March 30 2014 Farmer's Market, Retiring Equipment

This morning I got to sleep in a bit - I'm feeling a *LITTLE* more rested... 

Then Mariam invited me to the Farmer's Market in our neighborhood. It was another First - I used to love going the Farmer's Market regularly every Sunday - but it has been too daunting and painful trying to walk there. This morning, I didn't even worry. We got there toward the end of the market's day (they close at noon) and found lots of lovely produce, and a lot of it on end-of-the-day clearance ( buck a bag - such a deal!). 

And I walked all over the place for at least half an hour. I brought the cane and used it some, and some not. Came home and made a delicious spring onion, asparagus and fresh dill scramble. 

We even stopped at the grocery store for a few non-Farmer's Market Items. It was *great* - easy! 

For rehearsal, I forgot my cane at home (FORGOT MY CANE AT HOME! That's when it gets very real!), and didn't worry (I have a wooden backup in the car in case of unforeseen need) - but we were having a music rehearsal and that involves a lot of sitting, so a full rehearsal with no cane - and I'm doing *great*! 

Today I used ibuprofen, but not a ton of it. 

I really am not sore almost at all... another first - AND - I have removed the frame with the lifter-arms from around my toilet! I just do not need it any more to get up from the toilet and it was in the way, crowding the bathroom and too easy to stub toes on. It served its purpose well for about nine months, but is no longer needed! Hurray!! I love retiring the Equipment, one piece at a time! 

I actually like the shower bench - it makes it easier to wash my hair, shave legs, etc. There may come a time when I am just tired of it, but especially with the hand-held shower, it's convenient. It and the cane are about the only vestiges of disabled NEED I have any more. Oh, and I still have my disabled placard, to save over-doing steps when otherwise I would be parked very far way, but if I find a close space, I won't use as a rule. 

Steps... changes... improvements... they make for happy days! 

3/29/2014 Rest and Relaxation and a Little Theatre and Walking

Today- I slept in very late... it was great. Got in a bit of work on the most complex song in my show, but really relaxed, too. 

I made an odd eggy flourless "bread " recipe (Eggs, cream cheese, salt and baking powder) - I need to try it again - it turned out like a cross between a dry omelette and a thick crepe - I think it's supposed to be thicket. But it was interesting! Easy and inexpensive. 

Took a nap too! I was awakened by the sound of the TV in the other room - an emergency alert for a Tornado Warning on Tahema county not far from here. Oh, climate change. 

Off to the theatre to see a friend's play with my pal Craig - we had a great time. Lots of friends in the cast and we went out for a drink afterward. 

I was easily able to walk to and from the theatre about a block - at first I was concerned, but I realized there was no fatigue or problem - it's a BLOCK! I can and do walk much further than that daily now. I'm having to re-calibrate the idea of how able I am - it's more than I think, and it is important for me to DO what I CAN do. Build strength, balance and flexibility and keep increasing! 

I am very sleepy even after all that rest! thankful that tomorrow I also get to sleep in. afternoon with Mariam and rehearsal in the evening. 

3/28/2014 First Weekend After Closing cannery Row, and - a Little Dancing!

My facebook status this evening: 
"It's funny to to have an evening off to rest (and maybe work on a song or two) but feel antsy, too - of course, that is the normal "Friday after closing" feeling. I usually plan something that following week so I don't feel the end of a show so acutely, but I really needed the night down. 
Also - um - I may have danced a few dance steps in the women's room today at work (No one else was in there- a nice smooth floor, and I just needed to see...)! I got in a couple of good ol' box steps, a few *little* hop-steps, a couple of waltz combos and even a turn! Gently. The turn might have been a little much, but it wasn't *bad*. One finds one's limits in such things. So - that happened!"

That pretty much sums it up! 

It felt fantastic after a day that was pretty pain-free, with only two Tylenol in the morning, to take those few little dance steps. I feel the things I think I can do coming on... I gingerly try them, and if I can't quite do them yet, I try again in a few days. Usually that's when they come. I'll take to my Physical Therapist Monday. I still have that barked shin - it's healing more every day, but it was deeper in the center than I realized. the foot is still swelling, but I THINK maybe a bit less. 

But - it looks like I'll be ready for that dance party I'm throwing in late May! Might get in a few practice steps with my dancer friend first, if he's game - and he's pretty much game to dance any time!

I have frittered away my evening - made and ate some dinner, and farted around. 
That's an evening off - and I haven't have a single one in weeks. Well - those Sundays during the run of the show that we closed last weekend, but they were after matinees. 

I made very sure to keep my mornings free this weekend so I can sleep as long as possible. I really, REALLY need it. 
The activities I do have planned are relaxing and fun - seeing a friends show tomorrow night, meeting Mariam for a late lunch Sunday - and then rehearsal Sunday evening.

3/27/2014 A Quiet Day

Not a hugely eventful day, but the wheels roll on.

I was able to sneak in a 20 minute nap after work - really needed it.

Rehearsal was choreography for a song I only sing in, but it was good to see what happens in it - but I went home early. It was good to sing through it with the others and set some of the tight jazz harmonies a little more solidly. I didn't use my cane at all even though I didn't do a lot of running around.

I am practically narcoleptic right now - nodding off at my desk, working to stay awake driving - that is NOT GOOD. I've carefully made no plans in the morning Saturday or Sunday, so I can sleep as long as possible, and as long as I need. Perhaps that will re-set me a bit.

Sorry - not a lot of scintillating insights today... but they can't all be epiphanies! :D

I should look at some more lyrics... Miles to go, lots to learn. yet... but I'll sleep soon.

3/26/2014 Tornadoes; Stage Sets

Today was a rainy day - and then we had tornadoes! At least two touched down early this evening - Northern California traditionally is devoid of tornadoes - but in the last several years, they have become a regular thing - about 5 per year. thy are little ones - small twisters - barely rating F1 - but the skies get exciting and wild, and ther is that odd shade of green to it that only comes with tornadoes. It was exciting! I mean, if the news told me it was hitting my neighborhood and to take shelter, I'd get away from the windows and hunker down in the bathroom for a bit - we get a few roof tiles blown away, a tree or two down and some broken wondows in the area when they show up - but they are mostly exciting, 

As one friend posted, "Now the crack team of local tv new reporters are driving around chasing rainbows." 

Global climate change: it's a thing. For real. Don't be a fool. 

And I was not the least bit hindered or bothered by getting around in the wet weather. Barely used my cane until rehearsal - I had a good massage today, but I was a bit sore a couple of hours later. I have to go up and down three stairs on the set, but they have promised me a rail will be added. I am really hoping to be able to get up and down those steps with more alacrity before we open. If not, I will just have to take my time and we'll have to make it work - a little vamping, perhaps. I will NOT put myself in jeopardy, and they are not asking me to, which is good! 

My goodness! I'm getting to bed before ONE! I *desparately* need it. 

That's about all I've got tonight. Later, friends!

3/25/2014 a mini-post - tonight - I ran!

I surprised myself in rehearsal tonight!
I was hustling to get across the stage to my spot to re-start a musical number - and I broke into a little run! Five steps - pop, pop, pop, pop, POP! I got there and suddenly realized it and just broke out laughing! I HAD to share it with everyone quickly. Even got a high five from my friend Mike! :)

I won't be doing much of that quite yet, but it seems i'm kind of ready for it! It makes me feel MUCH less earth-bound! It was really pretty great.

I'll 'run" it by my PT next week and see what she thinks. :)

Another pretty big First  - and I think it's been at least - three?? - years since I took any running steps. Maybe 4. Wow.


Go, me! (and go YOU! When you're ready!)

3/25/2014 This is a practical, TMI bodily functions kind of post.

There is a thing that *can* happen with surgery. It doesn't seem to happen to everyone, but it happened to me. Perhaps because my digestive system is already hinky (Coeliac disease) - I don't know. I DO know that Norco (Hydrocodone with Tylenol) is the culprit. It serves a purpose, but it is also evil. Most narcotic / opioid pain killers pull the moisture from your system and make aeverything dry up and stop. Hideous.

But  - both kinds of elimination were effected.

I've talked about bowels - the Norco started a chain reaction that is staying with me today. Extremely severe constipation, dealt with in an rather extreme fashion - even after prune juice, stool softeners and Senikot laxative. "Digital extraction". We're not talking about electronic devices. Digit means, in this case your finger. Or your nurse's. It's embarrassing or, whether your nurse does it, of hands you a bag of rubber gloves to deal with it yourself (I chose the latter) to do it yourself, really uncomfortable - no = REALLY PAINFUL, followed by REALLY PAINFUL pushing. Repeat as needed. Peristalsis (the natural movement of your bowels) is also effected - it was really awful. And the end result ( did I really just make that terrible pun? Yes. Yes I did) is - sorry - but a realllly wicked case of hemorrhoids, and a companion of a nasty, itching and stinging rash. That comes and goes, still today. I go through copious amounts of creams and unguents. Sitzbaths are supposed to help - but lordy they take time, and the water sloshes all over the bathroom. So I try to stay properly fed and hydrated and well-regular (including Metamucil once a day, now), so - less pushing, less irritation, less losing of sleep due to burning and wretched itching.

For my second surgery I was SUPER vigilant about this - taking Metamucil three times a day in the hospital and for weeks after. It's just good ol' fiber, ad for me, had to be gluten free, so this was the choice. But I was still a little bound up after surgery #2, so I chose to stop it in it's tracks when I realized I was pushing harder than was comfortable, called the nurse in and asked her to glove up. This time, it was MUCH less painful, as I had not let it get so far advanced. It was quick, and handled the issue. After that every movement was wryly celebrated. It all sounds gross and embarrassing and sort of taboo - but you just don't realize until you deal with this how wretched it is.
So I thought it would be a good idea to just lay the cards on the table and share it.

You can also get some urinary issues - you are weakened from the surgery and being prone even for a bit, and not being to move as strongly for the first few weeks - while pain is relatively minimal after surgery, there is still some pain and weakness. ALL of this is handled by your faithful devotion to your physical therapy - always. Always. Never skip it. Get in the habit and stay in it, no matter what you have to do.
No one reading this is busier than I. I don't get enough sleep, I hustle to work, jet home, grab and scarf  (home cooked in advance) food, zoom off to rehearsal and come home beat, but have to wind down after rehearsal - no sleep happens immediately.


BUT - I do my physical therapy in bed before I get up, I do toe lifts and leg lifts to the side at the bathroom sink brushing my teeth, other standing stretches and balance exercise at my work desk, stretch through the day, and do my routine again after I lie down at night. If it's 1:30 am, I'll be turning out the lights at 1:30 - AFTER PT. Even if the kitty wants to snuggle - I snuggle her while I do my routine.
And - putting your abs and deep breathing/Kiegels into it (I learned this with Pilates Physical Therapy before I knew I needed new hips) will bring back the muscle tone in your bladder and ladyparts. Or, manparts! I usually speak from the feminine POV as I am in fact a woman - but I'm certainly not sexist, and these issues can be universal!

In the last few weeks, I have noticed that what had been reduced to a pathetic tinkle after surgery (and some occasional incontinence issues, due to moving slowly) has returned to a strong stream - meaning the muscles around my bladder are good and strong again, and all is working like gangbusters! One key is, not waiting. If you feel the urge, stop what you're doing and go to the loo. The only exception I must make is when I'm on stage. I go thoroughly before the show and at intermission... it would be bad form to make an unscheduled exit. No more incontinence, either(I am grateful this was short-lived and mild). 

So - I hope this little down-to-the-nitty-gritty post has been of help. If it is offensive - I think that might be your own issue, as these are all completely natural body functions - I apologize for offending. But I don't apologize for sharing good information, as delicately put as I could.

Fiber is your Friend! 

Good luck, fellow travelers! 

3/24/2014 Some little epiphanies

As my dear friend Debbie is having absolutely stellar recovery from her hip replacement 20 days ago - she unloaded her dishwasher by herself totally pain free and unsupported

by cane or walker, and felt so good she stood and washed the rest of the dishes in the sink. Then today she went to the PT - walked in and out without a cane at all - he was having her get down on hands and knees and get back up - he wanted her to do it slowly, putting down the "good" knee first - but she just got down there on both knees, easily and with ZERO pain! - and right back up again. 

three more weeks until they let her drive ( longer than my surgeon's rules, but they all have different methods, and obviously her surgeon's work!) .

I was finding my brain asking, "Hey! 20 days? and I was on that damn walker for almost three months before surgery and four more after that?!??! And I'm still using the can for longer treks with 6.5 and 3.5 months post-surgery??"

ANd it really made me realize - Yes, I AM recovering beautifully, and really AM a star patient - because I was REALLLLLY messed up! I hadn't quite realized HOW messed up(I know, I KNOW!!! How coudl I NOT?! But my surgeon has accentuated the positive, and has great expectations of totaly recovery for me. I am continuing to get physical therap - which I DO need to get my full recovery, range of motion, and strength and balance so I AM totally pain0free. I still have s little hip pain, my knees sometimes bother me, after the damn tumble my left foot has been really swelling (as well and the right, but less - probably some from so much activity now). 

So -  Debbie is on one extreme end of the spectrum - less than an hour-long surgery, and total lack of pain after 91 days (even with other health issues like fibromyalgia and spinal stenosis - this was clearly the most major issue she had, because she is just feeling AMAZING!) and off her walk and cane in NO time!

And I am the other end - two severely deteriorated femoral heads, terribly malformed hips with dysplasia, the sockets having been oblong-shaped, all cartilage erased away. 3.5 hour surgery with two screws (They rarely use screws at all) and FIVE hour surgery on the right with THREE screws - and still making amazing progress - just a slower, and with a LOT more to battle back from. 

So - you see - two completely different people with hip replacement needs before 56 (I'm 55, Debbie is 54) absolutely thriving and *GETTING OUR LIVES BACK*!!! 

In our own time, at our own paces. And I could not be more thrilled and delighted for Deb!!! I was hoping that this would be a great improvement for her, even with her other health issues, and it has out shone every wish I could have wished for her!! We cacn't wait to see each other - there is a brnc planned ith out little circle of college chums in a couple of weeks and we plan to strut. :) 

I am not the least freaked out that my hips were so bad. I know they were ,but having this contrast to show me that true severity, I am every more grateful to the amazing Dr Smith. He has been nothing but extremely sunny about my progress, big hugs and huge smiles about it each time I see him. He told be before surgery that he is an optimistic person, just cautiously so. Well, once that surgeries were over, he was very enthusiastic, and I think proud of his work. It was a real doozie of a re-sculpting job. 

*and it stuck solid when I did the ONE damn thing I wasn't supposed to do - *FALL*. 

*whew*. 

I carry some damn fine work in my skeleton and I will never take it for granted. 

And that's my set of epiphanies for today. 

Otherwise it was fine - work, a very fast dinner, and rehearsal. It feels good to stand for a bit at rehearsal - it harkens back with such flashbacks to rehearsing me last pre=op show, at a professional company no less (!) when I had to drag a chair around with me, as you have to stand for somewhat prolonged periods of time in rehearsals, as the director works on where everyone goes. I never thought of it as any issue at all, until standing became excruciating, and my bones made popcorn noises that peopel around me could hear. It makes me shudder. But it also makes me smile when I am standing there, maybe tired and a little stiff, but happy. I also don't over-do it, and i sit when I can. And I don't concede to choreography - nope - still not ready for that! 

But all in good time. 

3/23/2014 Striking the set, moving forward...

This morning I need to get going, and after breakfast, I had to hustle. So - a quick shower - the first one standing up the entire time, comfortably, easily. Foot up on the side of the tub, no unusual effort. Balancing - easy, nearly effortless. 

Today I decided that, because of the ongoing swelling - a combo of more activity on my feet and the scrape on my left shin  causing a LOT of swelling - I would try ibuprofen, just some of the time. It inhibits bone growth, and I don't want that, but I DO want and need to bring down the swelling in my ankles and feet, and pain/creakiness - which is fairly low, but somethings worse than others. 

The Ibuprofen helped a bit with swelling, but I could REALLLLY feel the difference in pain reduction! I didn't need my cane to move around the theatre, up and down the stairs was fine, totally fine - and with a second dose after the show it continued to be great! 

I was reveling in walking the hals of the theatre smoothly, no limp, no pain, little effort. 

I will be tempted to use more of the Ibuprofen, but I want to really keep it low. 

Maybe an afternoon dose before rehearsal and physical therapy, and using Tylenol in the morning and, if i need it, at bedtime. 

I love the pain-relieveing effect it has. but I will not over use it. Bone growth is essential, and I'm eating foods high in bone-growth promoting properties. 

Closing the show was really bitter sweet. It's good to be doing only one show again. and now I can concentrate on learning the music for the new one, A New Brain. 

But  - here's my Facebook status today: 

"It keeps coming back to me in little happy zaps - today I'm closing my first show back on stage since the whole hip replacement thang. Just being onstage, focusing on what the role needs, not " how will i get across this stage with a minimum of pain?? " 

There have been a few little challenges along the way - finding a chair arrangement that was comfortable to sit on for an hour at a time (thanks, Luther Hanson!), big wooden stairs :} etc. - but that's all part of the process! I've loved these days and nights spent on Cannery Row with its wonderful denizens on and off the stage, and it will always hold a huge, very special place in my heart. Thanks, thanks, and ever thanks, Christine Nicholson. You were so right, and I love you.
Here's a toast to The Row with a pint of Old Tennis Shoes!
'Goodnight Sweethearts, Good night!' "

Now it is over, and we "struck the set" - that is theatre terminology for breaking down the stage set and putting it all away. Cordless screw guns are employed, many heavy things are lifted and moved about, props and costumes are restored to their rightful places if borrowed, and laundry is prepared... 

And we all hug fiercely and go about our  post-show evening. 

What I do to keep away post-show blues, is to make plans on the next day that would have been a performance day - in our case, Friday, and the rest of the weekend. 

It goes a long way in alleviating the feeling that "I'm supposed to be somewhere right now".

Because post-show blues are no. Damn Fun.  What a lovely little band of merry actors. 

This production has a magnificent, golden place in my heart forever. Gratitude overflows. 

I'm SOME kinda tired. 

So - I'm off. 

Cheers, dears! 

3/22/2014 Utterly exhausted, happy!

big day today - brunch with friends from out of tow, and lovely morning - I have not gotten showered, ready and out of the house this fast in years!

Then a quick run to the co-op ( was that really just today!? :D ) for a few vital groceries...

Show # 1,  Saturday Matinee ( a nice big house/audience - hurray!) of Cannery Row

Dinner at Cafe Dantorelles with much of the cast and crew

Post-dinner coffee to go

Show #2 of the day - we have one more before we close, and our Row is history. I will mis it - it has been a big deal, in that Christine, my dear friend who directed it, just gave it to me as a gift - a perfect first re-entry on to the stage. I love singing these songs, and my voice may be in the best form it's even been in. A delight!! (However this exhaustion is really catching up - I was having a very hard time staying away in the quieter moments of the show - and I have NEVER almost allen asleep ON THE STAGE IN PERFORMANCE!!!  Yikes!)

Then a stop at out late night post-show favorite brew pub for a cheap late night happy hour nosh and a half pint of Cider. (STUPIDLY, I had the wings, and I am pretty sure they were dredged in flour. I should have given them away and gotten something else ( They were only $2!) and I truly NEVER just eat gluten because I want to, but dammit - they were so good.
I hope I don't suffer to much from the gluten bomb I gave myself - I think they were just lightly dusted in flour.
And tasty.

My friend Debbie unloaded her dishwasher today, pain-free - AND stood in the kitchen and hand-washed other dishes. A HUGE deal, 19 days after surgery! She is SO grateful to get her life back - and her surgery was SO fast and recovery is SO quick!

I realize how severe mine was and how much work the surgery took, and it makes me feel more than OK about still having gradually-improving pain - and it's a FRACTION of that I had before the surgeries!!! But I am so happy to see friends thrive and recover SO fast!!! They are lucky and it was just 'normal" arthritis! ;)
I am still compiling my invitee list for my Dance Party, and the music list (Guess how many songs there are with the word "Dance" in them? :D It's gonna be a very eclectic mix and a LOT of fun! From Springsteen to Broadway Musicals to 80s pop tunes ! And I plan to DANCE, dammit!

I am so far beyond exhausted - all for great reasons (a few fantastic chats across the world in late nights because they were so worth it!!

I keep starting to to type a sentence and falling half asleep, and reading it back to find it ending in dream imagery and/or total nonsense! :D

And so - Boa Noite, as my Portuguese friends would say!

3/21/2014 Walking the world sleepy, and various random thoughts

Let's see...

Not enough sleep. Ugh.

Pretty decent work day, anyway. My Physical Therapist kicked my butt a bit yesterday afternoon -a good thing, but, ui... I'm fairly stiff and sore, but you can bet I'm a bit stronger. That's what it's all about! (NOT, contrary to popular belief, the Hokey Pokey. Though I must say, I am now fully capable of putting my right foot in and putting my right foot out.)
Worked on my complex music for A New Brain at lunch in the beautiful sunshine under the blooming wisteria - I love wisteria.

Approaching the end of the work day, just having had my "afternoon half-cup" of coffee... I normally do not drink caffeine after about 2pm - it makes heart palpitations. Harmless enough, but why push it? And they are creepy. But right now - these two or so weeks - the afternoon half-cup is a necessity.

This weekend we close Cannery Row, after four shows in three days. It's not physically rigorous for me, but tiring just the same.
Tonight there is a cast party for this big crazy cast and crew, and the Playwright, who is in town for the weekend, will join us! He'll be here for the show on Sunday for a talkback - It's an amazing opportunity, and we're all pretty excited. I hope we have a nice full house for it!

Did I mention I'm reaaaaalllly tired? I do wish that these two shows, which magically offered themselves to me as I was just beginning to get well enough to look up and think, "OK... so when am I getting back on stage?!? And will people have filled in the hi=ole that I temporarily left? The one that echoed. "I'll be back really soon! Please remember me for your production!!!"  - I wish they were a bit further apart. That's all, but then no use wishin'! Right?
It is what it is, as they say - they are when they are, and I am grateful for them, indeed. The stage is my home - it is where I feel the most confidant, respected and able, and I love being with my theatre people. I just need a nap. Or six.

No rest for the wicked, so in a few minutes I head home, feed my cats, heat up the last of my corned beef and cabbage for dinner, scurry off to the theatre, after which is the cast party... and the matinee tomorrow, and dinner and an 8pm show and a matinees Sunday with the following talk back - and maybe a brunch with friends from out of town.

Yep. I neeeeed a nap. Or twelve.

Evening update - the show went well, and the playwright was here and enjoyed it! 
We had a short cast party (Smart - as we have TWO shows tomorrow) and I came home to talked to a friend across the world. 
And I'm meeting folks for brunch at 10 - yee haw! 

I really like my life! :) 

3/20/2014 So Much Spring / More Physical Therapy

Welcome, WELCOME Spring! Happy Vernal Equinox! 

To quote the show I am rehearsing, A New Brain - 

"I feel so much Spring within me

Blow winds, blow

Spring has just begun

And something's taken wing within me

What was dark so long had felt like winter

Finally there's sun

And so I sing

That I Feel So Much Spring"

I do - whenever we sing those lyrics at the end of the piece, goosebumps raise up for me. 

Even though it may be a tiny bit too much too soon, this show is happening at EXACTLY the right time in my life. It connects to so many facets of my life experience and that of those I love the dearest. It  drops my jaw sometimes. 

Back to Physical Therapy today... I had been a bit frustrated - because of the poor scheduling system and overload that the PT team has (they still give great physical therapy, but their scheduling is not very good), I would miss approved appointments because they approve it by week, not by number of appointments. So I'd get a treatment, and there wouldn't be anything available in the time frame needed (I like near the office, but work half an hour out of town), and I'd miss a week, losing the treatment for that week - not able to schedule it for a later time. 

I know - I was annoyed, too.

I had been told earlier that they can't make more than one appointment in advance. 

This time it took over two weeks for insurance to approve my next set of appointmants. I got a little cranky. I apologized to the receptionist, but she was able to get me in to a slot this afternoon, and I was grateful. Then, Ann, my PT, made sure I am scheduled in advance for the next tow weeks/treatments. 

I am so glad that I am covered for it, and that she agrees that I can still use the help. 

I need to get ALL better. I AM better - but I am not able to stand up for long without discomfort/fatigue, and I still have some pain. Not bad - but the goal is NO pain, or as close as we can get to it in my extreme situation (The hip dysplasia was quite a project for my surgeon to fix.) 

So - two more appointments! I am able to stand on one foot on both sides now - and that wasn't possible a couple of weeks ago - so I am working in-between appointments... strength and balance will get me there. 

Some days I am too tired or creaky (stiff/sore) to do all of my whole battery of exercises. Usually that's after I've been sitting for a long period of time the night before, or walking TOO much. 

But the comparison between now and pre-surgery is astounding! 

My whole demeanor is more shiny - I smile and laugh a lot, and am much happier... this is the me I remember! I like her, and I'm glad she's back! 

I am being flirted with right and left, and it feels great! I like good healthy flirting. There's skeevy, sexist  hitting on - that's not this. Being appreciated as a woman. I'm really enjoying it... it feels like I've take thirty years off my age. :) I don't have anything against my age - 55 is swell - but I FELT 85 or more. It wasn't fun. 

3/18/2014 Here's what you DON'T say to a joint replacement recipient. PLEASE do read this.

SO here's a thing you should know to never do - and you would probably be shocked how many times people use it as a go-to conversation piece when they know you've had new hips (Or probably knees, or other joints) installed. I have NO idea where it came from. 

"I'll bet you wonder why you didn't do it sooner!!!"  

Really??! Because you assume that everyone who had to have one or two hip replacements just decided they'd oh, wait a while, it just isn't convenient, and hey! I LOVE excruciating pain and the inability to walk, or function in my life!!! Why NOT procrastinate?!? 

Lemme hip you to some facts. Pun fully intended. 

1. if you get to a damage and pain level to where you need a new joint or two, you will not put it off. Fear? HA! The terror of living in pain that hovers around an 8 or 9 makes the fear of surgery into child's play. 

2. In my case, I was *mis-diagnosed*. Yes, you got that right. I told a doctor about  8 years ago now that I was having some pain in my inner thigh. He took ONE x-ray from one angle,  looked at it and pronounced, "Well the bones look fine, it must be soft tissue damage. Go home and take a lot of ibuprofen. We'll do some blood tests if it doesn't get better. "

I had the blood tests done by another doctor - nothing conclusive, but a higher lever of something I can't remember, which coudl have been produced by the carpal she was treating me for. 

So - that hip dysplasia I was born with, that no one ever saw (INCLUDING this self-important buffoon), that gave me oblong hip sockets at birth (Yes - they're supposed to be round) 

and by age 55 ground all of the cartilage off acetabulum (socket) and femur head - turning that from spherical and smooth to flat and ground to dust - I was treating it ACTIVELY - AS SOFT TISSUE DAMAGE - with yoga, Pilates physical therapy, multi-disciplinary chiropractic, acupuncture, and therapeutic massage. All of which helped keep me on my feet longer than would have been expected - but none of which was that right treatment for my ACTUAL malady. Thanks, Dr. Varughese. Thanks for your neglect. 

My mistake was not getting a new Primary care physician sooner. I had grown to distrust them from many incidents - mine and those of loved ones. 

and 3. When you throw that cheery-sounding little homily at someone, what you probably DON'T know is this: for most joint replacements, particularly ones in the weight bearing lower limbs, doctors often make the patient wait for joint replacement - particularly before about 4-5 years ago. So they probably not NOT choose to wait, if wait, they did. 

Now, very recently, technology has become such that artificial joints can last decades, but until then, and sometimes even now, they may not last a very long time, so they would make you wait until you were reallllly bad-off to do the replacement surgery 

My VERY well-informed opinion is this: Making someone wait is cruel. You are robbing them of their prime years of life, and then making their bodies break down from stress and pain hormones. These hormones and the stress make it much more difficult to maintain a healthy weight, and weaken muscles from disuse - exercise isn't exactly useful when it causes screaming pain. They also rob you of sleep, the ability to shop for and prepare decent food - basic needs dwindle as pain levels increase. I say, if your doc won't do it and you REALLY feel you can't bear up any longer, FIRE YOUR DOCTOR and start looking for a new one. 

SO - there might indeed be a few people who put off joint replacements. I'm thinking from experience - mine and that of at least a dozen friends and their relatives - that a large majority of people do NOT choose to put it off, and you are insulting us when you throw out that little bon mot. 

I am not so dumb as to try to continue in the kind of pain I ultimately experienced. It was a nightmare that lasted years and robbed me of my beautiful life. And you're just pissing me off in the awkward attempt at trying to show that you know something about hip replacement. 

Guess what? I know a F*ck of a lot more about it than you do - unless you've had it done, or you're an orthopedic surgeon or nurse, or physical therapist - I REALLY do. And your best tactic if you really are interested is to shut up and listen Ask some intelligent questions. I LOVE talking about to to someone who is willing to learn something. 

Or - just shut up. One of my favorite new things is NOT getting noticed for it. There's no walker, often no cane, sometimes no limp at all! People still feel compelled to comment on how fast i'm moving on the world. 

That's a very nice and well-meaning thing, and I truly do appreciate being cheered on... it feels AMAZING on a very good day to pretty much breese through the day. But "normal" (My new improved Mindful Normal) is also really really COOL! 

So - please don't think you're making clever conversation when you are essentially accusing someone of being neglectful of their health. 

Cause I REALLLLLY wanted to use that walker all around town, and hey - it wasn't hard to get accustomed to the stigma of it AT ALL... and canes are so convenient and never a pain in the ass. no *REALLY*. 

Thank you - rant over... for the moment. Carry on! 

-M

3/17/2014 My St. Paddy's Day

A tired but pretty good day. Beautiful outside - I made it out at lunch and studied my music for A New Brain - it was just beautiful. SO good to feel the sunshine on my skin (through dappled shade). THe wisteria - one of my favorite flowers - was blooming, beautifully.

I was more stiff today... who knows?? Needed the cane more, knees were pretty cranky.
One thing I keep forgetting to mention is how fast the big nasty scrape on my shin is healing! I am really grateful for the quick healing my body is capable of. I chalk it up to a good healthy diet full of veggies,  good supplements, and attention to my skin. Coconut Oil with a little touch of Palmer's liquid Cocoa butter goes on my skin every day. I've been sing a combo of that and neosporin and some Arnica gel (for bruising) on my shin. It has helped a lot! the would is almost gone, the redness is diminishing in size and fading. YAY! I really did a number on it in that little ol' fall - but I'm REALLY grateful that that's all that happened, plus a week of sore muscles.

I have a chiropractic appointment tomorrow. And a massage next week. I NEED 'em!

Rehearsal was good - I was absent when the rest of the cast learned a pretty tricky song - the jazz chords in this piece - A New Brain by William Finn - are INCREDIBLE - and very tight, complex stuff to learn! I got my stuff on tape at least - whooo hah! But once you get it - it's amazing - delicious! - to sing together!!

I'm tired. I have a cat to medicate... it's 11:33. Let's see it I can do any better than last night at gettign some sleep.

And yes - I really really do know how important sleep is.
Ui - I gotta busy life.  I'm just glad the theatre is three minutes from my house.

Oh - and the Corned Beef (Baked with a honey mustard and brown sugar crust)  and Cabbage were delicious - and will be for a couple of more nights at least!

OK y'all - short 'n' sweet tonight. I'm going to go ice up. And drug a cat. (She's improving!)

-M

3/16/2014 Tired, But Feeling Good / Mojo's Back!

I am so tired. Some times I would still be in Rest mode - but I don't regret my choices of being back in my artistic endeavors and community. 

I looked at myself in the mirror in the car just to check my makeup - and I looked great! Youthful, even! I had just finished the show (which went very well and had our biggest audience yet - on a Sunday Matinee, yet!) and talked to some really lovely friends who came to see the performance, so I was smiling and happy... and I looked great. 

This is not about vanity, but my growing health and vitality - even if I am tired! 

In my experience, when one is disabled or in great pain or ill, you tend to disappear to the other gender. IOf course we're hard-wired to that, I guess - you don't pick a mate who isn't healthy and able to carry their side of hte relationship, make babies blah blah blah... yes.. but it's pretty demoralizing and not so much fun. I am a sassy, vital woman, and it's so good to have that mojo back. Really good! I don't feel ignored by my dear ones, of course - but there is a shift in relationships. it's necessary... I've experienced that from both sides. 

It's just wonderful to be back and firing on most of my cylinders, and getting 'em tuned up all the time. 

I was pointedly, cheerfully flirted with at Safeway today. I must say - it was nice! I was not interested, but it he was funny about it, and it was a real boost. I walked all about the grocery store, left my cane in the car even. I needed to get Corned Beef and Cabbage ingredients. :) 

I'm baking it this year - I remember having it that way, topped with sweet hot mustard and brown sugar - *divine*! 

SO, home, took two heavy bags of groceries up, unloaded them, and dealt with the cat box and took a very heavy garbage can down - the regular way, leaning on the rail for safety, but hands both holding the trash can, not ooching it down a few steps at a time. 

I need to do some housekeeping - but time will not permit it until next sunday - after a LONG weekend (four shows, including two on Saturday) .

Fortunately, i won't be having company over until after that. Ui - my apartment is a mess. 

Thank goodness the season is changing - it was over 81 degrees today - glorious! - because I can switch to summer clothes, whilst the winter clothes await a laundry trip. 

This entry is written early in the evening instead of my usual ludicrous late, LATE hour - I had a bit of time, and really dearly want to sleep at a decent time - at least before midnight. I'm off to get the Corned beef into the oven and the cabbage etc. on the stove, so it'll all be ready for dinner tomorrow - between work and rehearsal.

Happy Spring, readers! 

Don't forget - Please don't hesitate to ask questions or comment. 

Thanks - Martha

3/14 and 3/15/14 busyness, tired, and Spring is here.

3/14/14 and 3/15/14

Yesterday was a very tired Friday  - I worked, jotted home and ate, fed the cats, and off to the theatre. 

The ding on my shin is healing - definitely doing well, and stopped hearting that way it had been .Smaller, but pretty ugly. 

People gasped when they looked at it. I was a little surprised - it's not that bad - but there it is. 

I got around well. My left knee had actually re-joined the right in being cranky = I'm working on why that is, an dhow not to have it happen. Perhaps I still need to use the cane a bit more - I've been using it very minimally. 

**********************

Today, Saturday, I slept in late, ate, dawdled a bit, wahsed my hair and Mariam brought over her adorable new Honda Fit - on her way home from buying it! AFORABLE. Very smooth-riding. 

We made a foray to the grocery store in it - good fun. 

Also - Safeway is expensive and their produce isn't great, but it is leff expensive in some things. I needed protein, fruit and veg, soem non-Co-op things - I didn't use my cane. 

The show was pretty good. a few wee stutters - but it's live theatre. That's how is works, sometimes. 

Soem good friends came to the show and it was great to see them! Peter and David hadn't seen me since before surgery #1. They have kept up with my progress on Facebook they were very touched to see me climb the stairs and stand and walk around. :) 

Today was the most stunning weather - 81 degrees and my skin love it so!!! it felt glorious - I love walking around the world without a coat or sweater - it feels free and deicious. Another reason I truly love living where I do - even when the temperature get above 100 degrees. 

It is late (No shock) I am so tired, and I hate having to resist nodding off during the show - as I am fully lit and onstage the entire time. 

So off I go. Tomorrow is a matinee and we are called at 12:30. No rest for the wicked. 

I was really hoping to perform in Murphys this summer (a beautiful Gold rush Mountain town where I do theatre with some great friends). It is their 20th anniversary, and I wanted to join them, but I think I should wait until next season and ACTUALLY pace myself, as I said I was going to - and as I NEED to. It is required for this healing process - and I can feel the stress of going from one opening to starting rehearsals two weeks later. This is comthing I am used to doing, so I was sure it isn't a problem. It isn't a BIG problem, and it's a role I've wanted for some time. But - yes. A rest is due. 

It will give more time to do a couple of special poetry projects and wok with Jt on the Cabaret we have been planning, but that is very different from a full rehearsal schedule. 

3/13/2014 Spring - Inside and Outside of Me! Walking... Dancing...

A message today:

I feel bouncy today! Walking across the floor, working on my stride smoothing out - and re-realizing part of that natural gait involves buoyancy, both physically and in spirit. I like this, a whole lot.

And my facebook status is a quote from the Musical I have begun rehearsing - A New Brain. THe composer's true story about surviving a brain anuerism, and how it affected his relationships career, etc.

"I feel so much spring within me..."
I do. I really do, on several levels. 

It is springtime finally - that sweet air on the skin as I emerge from work... it is delicious. ANd the spring in my step - I had sort of forgotten the Springy part! I still need patience and mindfulness, but the feeling of walking is returning to my bones... 

In theatre, when you are learning new material - lines, dance, blocking (the movement of characters around the stage) or music, the time when you have worked and rehearsed it together enough for it to slick into place and really get solidly into your brain, we sometimes cll "Getting it in your bones". 

I am getting the act of walking back into my bones. They have missed it desperately. 

I am also finding that learning a roles - lines, music, etc., is coming SO much faster! For some time I have had some great roles, but they also required a lot of work - and were more difficult to learn. Pain did that. Well, Pain - go to hell. 

You are well rid of. I prefer my life without having to function around that elephant, thank you. Moving about the stage without the limp is really nice, too. I appreciate all of the directors who have looked past the limp and cast me for what I CAN do, and lived with my limp. Thank you thank you to all of them. 

Good rehearsal tonight, though my voice is pretty tired and I have three shows to sing this weekend. Some rest tonight (perhaps) and gentle warming up tomorrow should do the trick. 

Also - I found this poem I sent to myself - I plan to read it aloud at the Dance party I am throwing lat in May. 

It is brilliant! 

We Have Come to Be Danced

We have come to Be Danced

Not the pretty dance

Not the pretty pretty, pick me, pick me dance

But the claw our way back into the Belly

Of the Sacred, Sensual Animal dance

The unhinged, unplugged, cat is out of its box Dance

The holding the precious moment in the palms

Of our hands and feet Dance

We have come to Be Danced

Not the jiffy booby, shake your booty for him dance

But the wring the sadness from our skin dance

The Blow the chip off our shoulder Dance.

The slap the apology from our posture Dance

We have come to Be Danced

Not the monkey see, monkey do dance

One two Dance like you

One two three, Dance like me Dance

but the grave robber, tomb stalker

Tearing scabs and scars open Dance

The rub the Rhythm Raw against our Soul Dance

We have come to Be Danced

Not the nice, invisible, self-conscious shuffle

But the matted hair flying, Voodoo Mama

Shaman Shakin’ Ancient Bones Dance

The strip us from our casings, Return our Wings

Sharpen our Claws and Tongues Dance

The Shed Dead Cells and slip into

The Luminous Skin of Love Dance.

We have Come to Be Danced

Not the hold our breath wallow in the shallow end of the floor dance

But the Meeting of the Trinity, the Body Breath and Beat Dance

The Shout Hallelujah from the top of our Thighs Dance

The Mother may I?

Yes you may take 10 giant Leaps Dance

The olly olly oxen free free free Dance

The everyone can come to our Heaven Dance

We have come to Be Danced

Where the Kingdom’s Collide

In the Cathedral of Flesh

To Burn Back into the Light

To unravel, to Play, to Fly, to Pray

To root in skin sanctuary

We have come to Be Danced

We Have Come.

~ Jewel Mathieson

Jewel Mathieson 5Rhythms WordDance

Art by Julia C. Gray

http://www.cafepress.com/theartofjuliacrgray 

www.awakeningwomen.com

3/12/2014 Cane-free More and More, Spring Approaches.

Hard working day - but it makes them go by quickly. 

I posted this to Jt - 

"A thought as I was just walking across the floor at the office, and I turned it up to a smooth stride, and just moved rit 'round a corner with no need to slow down ( for so long is was almost a military turn- stop, pivot, move on) -it feels as if I am driving a new car! I have heard you use the metaphor before, of maintaining your body as you would your car- and boy howdy am I feeling how apt it is!
VROOOOOOOOM!"

His response:
"A well-maintained body comes with a life-time warranty."

I appreciate him vastly!

Good rehearsal - I stood up for the sing-through of one song and sort of semi danced through the whole thing - more like standing and shakin' it, but it felt great!

I spent about 90 percent of the day with out my cane - and that includes a quick trip through the co-op!

I'm very pleased!

I was tired (and still am), but it wasn't bad! Just a little sore, and I'm now able to walk without a limp, if I focus and concentrate, and not much pain! It feels just wonderful!!!

The Spring is actually here now - after a very strange winter alternating between unseasonably very warm days and unheard-of (for this region) freezing days, and drought, it's been weird.
But the feeling in the air is Real Spring.
I step out of the house in the morning to hear my neighborhood mocking birds singing it in, and I can manage without a jacket some mornings...
and at work I try to at least dip out the back door for a few minutes at lunch time to soak up the delicious, nourishing sunshine.

The office is cold, so coming out into the brighter day's end is heavenly. The warmth on my skin feels like a bath, and every impulse is to be naked in it! Having spent so much time indoors this winter, I am craving the warmth.
The Sacramento Summer will come to burn soon enough, but I think I am coming to adjust to it - finally! The cold is not for me - at least normally (Or anyway, the old climate normal ) this is not cold weather territory.

I must put my feet up and get to bed soon. Adieu!

3/11/2014 Wonderful Songs, Healing Shin, Kneeling to Retrieve Sick Kitty from Under the Bed is Now Possible!

This morning I was concerned that my little Electra might be done for. For the first time, she didn't come out from under the bed. I got down on my hands and knees and reach way under the bed, and thought she might be a goner - but when I started to pull her out, she resisted. Much relief! I got her out and gave her some food and water. She was sitting on the back of the couch enjoying the sunshine when I left for work, relieved.

But did you see it up there? "I got down on my hands and knees and reach way under the bed. "

I shared this story with Jt - I said, "If you had not gleaned this (not bloody likely that you didn't ) the operative part of the story is 'I also was able to get on my hands and knees and reach under my bed to...' 
And stand up from that position with arms full of cat. That part came as a little surprise to me, as I was able to do it from muscle memory rather than effort. "

His response: "Oh yeah, I got that part. You see, the more you can, the more you can!"
Love that response! Simple truths are the best truths!
I think I want that tattooed on one of my thighs, underlined by a surgery scar!!

Work was very very hectic and juggernaut-busy. But having given Mariam a lift to work motivated me to get out of the house earlier, and I was able to leave a bit earlier. a quick dinner and off to rehearsal - ah - the good ol' Theatre schedule with a day job!
Normally, it makes me tired and it completely worth it.
It is still totally worth it... but I may just take a short break from it this summer, however much I want to participate on the beautiful Amphitheater Stage up in Murphys, Ca - Murphys Creek Theatre.

I love the place with all my heart - the people, the wee wonderful Gold Rush town and the amphitheater on a winery in a canyon in the Sierra Foothills - nothing bad about that at all.

But perhaps, my dance party at the end of May and a nice restful summer spent continuing to build my strength are my best rewards after I've completed this wonderful role!

That said, rehearsal went well - we chose the most challenging song in the show to learn first - a wonderful jazz-harmonied piece called "Heart and Music". At first it was a little rocky, but once we figured out who was to sing which lines of harmony (It is tricky to be sure! at one point ten people are singing delicious, dissonant-to-resolving seven part chords! By the end of the evening, we were ON IT, and it sounded *great*!

And I am not, just for the records, a diva. My dear friends just like to tease me that I am. :D
(Had a little trouble with the first part of the song and got a little frustrated... but I am always apologetic, and I do not throw fits. I think that might be why it's funny. I have learned long ago that I am fun to tease, and I'll take it. :)

Oh! Here is a thing: for a few years I have had, on and off, anosmia to varying degrees (Lack of sense of smell). Now, I love good food, a dI LOVE the scent of flowers and one of my favorite things in life is how the midtown Sacramento air is perfumed with the most astonishing scents - cherry and plum blossoms, wee garden flowers - Sweet Alyssum smells strongly of honey! gardenias, star Jasmine, and - 
and the most glorious - my favorite scent - Orange Blossoms.
Well - I have noticed that in teh lst week or so, my nose seemed particularly clear! I do not know what did it, but my old BLOOD HOUND sense of smell seems to have returned! I love to smell 
and taste things again - it's like a lovely gift of the Spring.

Also, the shin scrape is healing well and fast. I just wish wish WISH that damn foot would stop swelling like a balloon!! I have no clue what I am doing wrong - other than needing it elevated as soon as I'm off it, and as often as possible. But it is healing up well - it twinges as it heals. But it heals!

Right then - off to bed. not even going to pretend it's "early". lights won't be out before 1:45 - but at least I expect I'll sleep! :)

For the record - I LOVE my life.