November 30 2014 - walking, and leaves. Beautiful - and potentilly treacherous...

November 30 2014 - walking, and leaves.

I'm walking - not every night, but usually a mile.
In the summer, it's bloody hot here, and now though it's not cold (Cool and damp, but not too cold for a good, brisk walk, certainly!)
Two things tend to keep me from doing it every night, even though I have the time. THey are legitimate, not excuses...
Though my city of Sacramento is a beautiful place, it is also, of late, with more social struggles (mostly based on poverty and greed) a little bit less safe after dark. I used to walk after dark all the time, but less-so now. I wouldn't even classify it as "dangerous" - just - a bit less safe. I get home from work after dark, so - tricky. (I am no morning person. Getting up early is not in my DNA).
Fear of slipping on wet leaves is the other. Though we are in drought, it has finally begun to rain a bit, and with it, the leaves re finally dropping. Many people "on the grid" of downtown/midtown Sacramento keep their leaves swept off the sidewalk, but some do not, and now it the time it's hard to keep up with. So when I go walking, as I approach a wet sidewalk with layers of leaves, some several days or more old, it just looms like a monster. I have conquered most of my fears, but with the new fancy hips, this one - falling - is new and real.
I am top- heavy, and with that, my peripheral vision around my feel is not great - so i for most of my adult life, I have been prone to tripping and falling. It used to be a joke with my Murphys Creek Theatre family - I started beginning the summer by warning them - "I usually fall once or twice every summer - it looks alarming, but it's harmless, I promise." I might scrape a knee a little bit, but nothing bad.
Then the hips started to show their colors, I developed the limp, and it got a little less amusing.

So now - falling? No joke whatsoever. I've done it once since the new hips, and that will be plenty, thank you. I was very lucky not to damage my replacements, though the bark on my shin (If you've read posts from spring 2014) brought me the lovely "Shin Divot" ulceration, which took several months and some serious treatments to heal.
 The very real possibility that I could damage the hips by falling is legitimately frightening, so when I approach those wet leaves, my tendency is to want to cross the street... but instead, I focus even more sharply, get very mindful, and walk across them targeting the least thick areas, and stepping as though I were on ice - straight down, and pushing off gingerly. It seems to do the trick.
But it looks like, until the days turn again, walking will happen mostly on weekends during the day (Dusk is fine, and beautiful), or perhaps with a friend.

All that said, I did my mile yesterday, plus about another half block. Took some lovely photos along the way, as well!(see below!)
Today, just now, in fact, I only made about nine blocks. That's OK! For some reason, I was pretty winded today, and I pushed beyond the 8 blocks where I was when my body started whining to go home. That's still 3/4 of a mile, and I like that!
I always push a little further than my body wants to go - just a bit.
I didn't get on my 'bike yesterday, as I have begun Christmas knitting projects... but I fully intend to tonight. It's only 5:30... it's on the docket. Dinner just needs warming, so that won't take too much time...

... later in the evening... Dinner consumed in a timely manner, a good solid vigorous half an hour in on the 'bike, and five inches of a sock, done! hurrah! Need to boil some eggs for lunch, and I'm set for a new week. I will miss the 4-day weekend, though!

 

 Ginko  and Sycamore Leaves

 Japanese Maple, Succulents - a Neighbor's Garden

                                  Tudor Apartments                                 Autumn Gold

November 29 I start rehearsal for another play soon!

I have been off the stage for the most part (aside form some nice open-mic readings at poetry events and singing for my company's Holiday CD and upcoming party).
A few weeks ago, my friend Greg told me that our mutual friend, Steven, who has dealt with MS for a long time, and is now confined to a mobility scooter to get around) would like to do one last good show - a swan song, if you will. He's a damned good actor, and it's a shame. They are doing Love Letters - it is two actors, seated side by side at a table on stage, reading their love letters to each other over the course of their lives. It was written to be on Broadway and put together with very minimal rehearsal and preparation, and so that several actors could step in and out of the show - they could use busy actors for a week or two as their schedules permitted... A lovely idea. and perfect for an actor with mobility issues.
So, they were bandying about actresses in town who would be appropriate for the role and decided that I might be just the thing! I feel honored and delighted. I said yes before the whole question came out of my mouth. Greg will direct, we will each have understudies - I think they did not understand how recovered I am...  (though I will not need one, if they would like for me to give a performance to her, I'd be happy to! ).
It's the perfect project for me at Valentine's time, as well. I am really ready to be doing a show, and it will be just right, before I begin the rigorous process of a professional show - Pirates of Penzance -  for the first time since It All Went Pear-Shaped for my hips! In fact, I was doing a professional world premiere musical at the same theatre (A Little Princess) when I lost the last of the use of my hips without support (cane, and soon thereafter, a walker). I keep reminding myself, " Good lord, if I was able to get through A Little Princess in that kind of searing pain and limited mobility (and fistsfull of Ibuprofen), this should be a walk in the park! I get to play the Pirate's Maid of All Work, Ruth! 
But I digress.... I am so excited to get to do Love Letters with Steven and Greg! Had a lovely conversation with Steven last week, and we'll have our first read-through this week. Stay tuned!

November 27 Rediscovering good shoes - kind of a big deal when you've had trouble walking for so long!

SHOES! I can wear shoes that are good-looking! I can more and more easily and safely wear my swing dance shoes - purchased because I needed some attractive heels to wear with a dress, but most heels were impossibly painful. Dancing shoes - these are Aris Allens - are built to be immediately comfortable without having to break them in. they are wonderful - and I love mine. But they are not winder shoes (Peep-toe spectators), so I needed some practical shoes for winder (mostly for work, but also for other times). The flat, chunky rubber-soled Maryjanes I had found are getting beaten up, and they are not handsome, just utilitarian.

The other, heeled Maryjanes I bought last year are all right - sometimes not super-comfortable after more than a few hours.

Flats are the best for simple safety and comfort - but they can be so ugly. Ballet Flats are terrible or a wide foot - they have no support and are not pretty with your foot spilling over the edges.

For a flat, I prefer a brogue or a good black oxford. But they are not the current style (Even though they are sort of an eternal look), so, hard to find, especially on a budget. Enter the good internet!
After a goodly bit if searching, I found a pair of brown simple lightweight but well-built wing-tip brogues, and a brown pair with a little more decorative leatherwork. Beautiful shoes, well-built, found both pairs for a total of $32 including shipping! And I suddenly feel like I have a little style happening again, whether I'm in a dress, leggings or trousers. I love them - and life feels that bit more fun and normal at the same time. Because my normal life IS fun! They are light enough to feel almost as though I am walking barefoot - my favorite, yet not-work-appropriate way to be. hey make walking with a lighter, smoother gait so much easier - and they're great for dancing, as well :)

Reminds me - being boot season, I need to find a good pair of flat-or-short-heeled boots for Pirates of Penzance! The costumer is also a good friend, and she suggested I look for them now, and she can purchase them in advance! Taran-tarahhhhh!!!!

The Wing-tipped Brogues in question.

November 26 flattening scars, improving gait!

 Hello! It's been a while! Life still gpes on, and my hips still have plenty to do with it!
Here's today's:
 
My scars are flattening out.
The anterior incision hip replacement, parting the muscles, kind of keeps a bit of a new contour, sort of a dip, in the top of one;s thigh around the scar as the healing progresses. but I am noticing, even though that sort of dip or valley is still there a year later (It will be a year for hip #2 in just over a week!), I noticed the other day, they are starting to flatten out. The muscles are finding their way back to their old places slowly, and the scars are flattening out and turning white.

I noticed some time ago that, once my left leg became pretty easy to cross onto my right knee, it took a bit longer relatively, for m right. So I started concentrating on stretching it and getting it more limber - i can't quite get it to cross all the way without lifting it with my hand yet, but closer all the time! **ALMOST** - bot not quite!!! not too frustrating - each step of the way has been gradual - it's a matter of time.

Also - my gait is still evolving! Mostly I notice and work on it at work (Or on my extended walks, but they are more for stamina)... walking around the building, I can modify to feel my footfall become lighter. I have always liked having a fairly light step, especially for having a rounder physique - but for a very long time, my gait was just pretty much a stomping lurch. Recently, I was experimenting with sort of lightly gliding across the floor - and it worked! Putting focus the weight on the *middle* of my foot, while still using the whole foot in balance - heel-middle-toe - makes it a smooth gait, indeed. I cannot wait to glide across a stage again! I've done pretty well with it this year, but it's getting continually better, and not sitting back and being content with "better", and striving for Best is the ticket!!!

11/9/2014 Catching Up, Losing Electra, a New Big "First Since" Goal met!

It's been a while. 

Lot has been going on... I did a stage reading of Macbeth on Halloween - the first rehearsal in which I rushed onstage with rage ( as is call for by the character, Hecate, in the scene) I heard my friends who were in it as well all kind of gasp or murmur - they were just amazed that I was able to move so fast and so well. 

Running is out because of the impact - but moving fast, I can DO! It was a fun performance. 

I've been doing social things - attended three fall weddings, and with our unseasonable beautiful (though dangerously dry) weather, they were ll gorgeous. You'll have read about the one in which I danced a lot - it was divine! The other two were less about dancing, but it was great, and I stood around talking to people with a glass of wine in my hand for long stretches - it's so nice! 

This weird weather continues - the next five days - here in the middle of November - are forecast between 68 and 77 degrees F?!?? Right now, it is after sunset and 72 degrees, with the windows open (my cat Maia's favorite thing is sitting in the open window and watching the night go by). lovely, but so strange and worrisome. 

I do have some lower-back pain, and occasionally have some pain in my left hip with makes me pause. But in a day or two, it's gone. 

I have been pretty steady on the bike. Last week was less regular - about every other day - but my littlest of my two three-year-old cats, Electra's health failed after a long decline (We think it was cancer), and she died very early Friday morning in my arms. it was very, very sad, and her sister Maia and I are figuring our what life in our home is like now. They were feral babies, and Maia has never been super-affectionate. We're getting closer already.

So - I am still sad, but back at nightly exercise. 

It's early enough that I will be able to get in my half-hour on the exercycle tonight, along with the walking. 

Someone told me I look like I lose more weight every time they see me. Could be - I do hope so - less impact on the hips, better blood pressure control. Easier tying of shoes. :} 

It looked like I had today in the mirror as I was heading out for my walk. I stand up straighter now, so who knows if it's an illusion? 

I am certainly working at fitness. 

But the BIG NEWS is - burying the lede - 

I BEAT MY MILE WALKING GOAL!!! I haven't been walking for exercise specifically in over a week. a sore knee here, exhaustion or grief there...

but today I had all the time in the world, was feeling pretty good, and make the step out at sunset. I slowed my pace, because I tend to get out there swinging and get too tired or a knee or such gets sore and brings me home before the mile goal. So - slower, taking my camera along an making beauty stops, and pacing myself. By the time I got to my street and had the option to turn for home, I was ready for a few more blocks and took them! 13 blocks - ONE MILE!!! I am SO HAPPY. 

I was able to get in 25 minutes of exercise bike AND vacuum! 

It seems my energy is picking up, and I'm hoping that is because I have added Potassium to my supplements. It was fairly low due to my BP medication/diuretic, and I've just been completely exhausted. 

A good friend and neighbor came by this afternoon and surprised me with beautiful roses from her garden in memory of my little Electra, and came in for a great gab. She and her wife are wonderful people and it was so kind and good of her to come. What would we do without friends? I cannot imagine. 

10/18/2014 Challenging house chores, Tearin' Up the Sheets (Literally. Don't get too excited), Time Check

I changed my sheets  today, which is a little job in and of itself, but when you have two mostly-white Turkish Van cats, with 5" long super-super fine fur, and you prefer black sheets... it is a real major task, and a bit of a workout! 

That hair sticks to every fabric like velcro, on contact. And then it forms little balls. Just throwing it in the wash is not gonna do it. 

With regular cats, a good fluff-n-dry will de-cat-hair anything. 

Oh, no. It takes a brush - brushing the whole top sheet on both sides, and the fitted sheet on the top - thoroughly - to get them even ready to wash. 

Don't evenTALK to me about sticky fur rollers. I go through an entire one before I'm half-way done. 

There is no keeping two feral-born kitties out of the bedroom (They like to cave under the bad - it's their most secure place - but they like to be  ON the bed too... and one will even cuddle with me, but only when i am IN the bed. So... unless I want to be heartless, no. 

But dammit, the sheets are clean again and bed will be fresh and cozy tonight! (Everything is physical therapy, right?)

Also - a funny little after- effect of the Post-Surgery times last year - this particular set of sheets has obviously been washed and used again several times since - but I think this was the fitted sheet I used most when I was doing the in-bed physical therapy exercises the most (though I still do them on a lesser basis to keep things healthy and limber) - a few nights ago, suddenly I moved a foot across the sheet turning over - and it tore right through! That spot between the knees and feet, where I moved my feet across it the most doing the PT repetitions just gave up the ghost! 

I had to chuckle. I think with a repair, and putting it one the other way-round I can probably get a few more uses out of it... but I had to laugh! 

Never wore through a sheet before!! 

Just for the record, it is 1 year and two months since Hip Replacement #1. 10 months and two weeks since #2. 

I just keep on rolling ahead. Not every day is great ( this has been a bit of a low week), but I keep at it... I'm on the 'bike at least 6 nights a week, and though I had a little issue with my right knee for a couple of weeks, I started giving it really good attention and regular Ice and stretching/strengthening, and it's getting back to well again... I hope to get a good walk in tonight for the firs time in a couple of weeks! 

It's slowly becoming Autumn here, far behind schedule, but almost there, so it should be a lovely night for it. 

No walk tonight after all, but just completed a nice, half-hour vigorous exercycle session. Whew! 

10/3/2014 Fatigue, Fun, Food, and Exercise

A little check- in - 

Its been a long week, but pretty decent. My spirits are great! Gratitude continues to be the rule of the day! 

After my weekend of fun, I admit, I've been a little sore - and I have been SO tired - but I don't think that's just because I was out playing. 

That might not have helped, but I the season is turning - always na interesting time, when the air swirls in warm and cool zephyrs chasing each other's tails and feels so intense on one's skin. Fall making her appearance, and Summer just... holding ... on... we went from a couple of storms to 90+ degrees in a few days! 

I have made many attempts to get to bed earlier. I am such a night person, and getting to be before 1:00 am is so difficult for me, even when I am not in rehearsals or performances. And several nights, I DID get to bed earlier - I was just so tired! and I have been dragin' my behind all week! Last night, I was out with a friend for dinner, and got home around 9:30 - by the time I was settled, it was just too late to get on my exercycle, and certainly to walk. 

I haven't been walking all week - very frustrating - due to fatigue... but besides last night, I've been on that bike, half an hour!! 

This weight MUST go down. 

I need to get my blood pressure well- normalized so I can get off the meds. My doctor is dubious. That just pisses me off and makes me more determined. 

I also am dealing with the oddest, most counter-intuitive thing - I don't eat enough calories. like, by a LOT. 

I looked and researched thoroughly and carefully, and confirmed it with the weight loss group with my medical plan. 

Proper weight loss calories for me - 2,000 calories a day. maintenance, 2,500. 

Do you have any idea how hard it is to each 2,00 calories in a day, when you eat properly and don't eat junk or processed foods? 

The ONE time in the last six weeks, since I've been monitoring/tallying calories,  that I have exceeded 2,000 calories was the wedding day last weekend, when I had a glass of wine at brunch, two classes of sparkling rosé and a good bit of (incredible!) cheese at the cocktail hour. Even the reception food was amazing - and healthy!! Seared Ahi, Brussels Sprout leaves, asparagus, lean roast beef - and the desserts were even amazing, little petite things. I could eat the mini-truffles and a tiny one-bite blood orange parfait (do die for!!) 

Even after all of that - I only ate about 2,200 calories. 

About twice, I have reached 2,000 calories. 

it is crazy. And, again, SO counter-intuitive. But the body needs *healthy* calories to burn to fuel weight loss... good fats (coconut oil, olive oil) are required, and they burn first... good carbs, protein - all in balance. You have to keep the engine firing if you are exercising, as I am. It's about 3 weeks since I weighed in at the Dr.'s office, shocked to have gained weight after 3 1/2 months consistent exercise half an hour 6-7 days a week. 

I'll give it a little more time to kick in and see if I can get this weight gear moving... I want to keep these smooth and silky hips joints dancing for a very, very long time. 

9/30/2014 A Great Weekend - So Much to Do, People to See, Poetry to read and hear, a Lovely Wedding and... DANCING!!!!

I danced last evening - I DANCED!

For the first time in about 4-5 years! I have *craved* dancing - I really love it! - and I fully intended to have a dance party, but my venue fell through, and I am not in a position to afford renting one right now, so, que sera.

This was at a spectacular, delightful wedding in Shenandoah Valley (California)  Wine country, on a winery,  overlooking rolling hills covered with trees and vineyards.

The band was terrific, and they had a great, eclectic playlist. We freestyle danced to rock - a little "Shout", some Elvis and such… The we fox-trotted to some Sinatra - I was very rusty, and my friend Michael was too, but we got the hang of it after some hilarious stumbly reminders, and getting the rhythm back our bones!

A bit later a gentleman asked me to dance, and we danced essentially a one-step to a wonderful Latin tune I love, Sway. He was a very strong lead dancer, which helps a LOT - and he was patient with my occasional stumbles! It was delightful.  

I was tickled to death when I left the floor for a breather at one point, and the woman dancing behind me took my arm and said, "You are a wonderful dancer!!" I am not deceived that I don't have a long way to go, but it was great to know that after all this time, I can brush off enough moves to appear to know what I'm doing, and have a really great time doing it!

It was a very active, lovely weekend, in fact!

I haven't been up to so much activity and gotten through it just great in SO long.

Saturday, I participated in an annual poetry event, 100,000 Poets for Change. A full day of reading and hearing poetry with friends.

I was nervous about mine - I haven't been writing much this year… but I came across on I wrote on December 9, 2013 five days after my second surgery - and it I had completely forgotten!! And it was perfect. My friends really enjoyed it, and at least one of them - Whom I respect the most - was very complimentary. Kudos from him are precious - he holds very high standards.

There was a lot of very good poetry read, and good to see friends in the poetry community.

Then dinner with a few - and home for the evening to finish the wedding gift - for the wedding Sunday! …

Sunday was *GREAT*! Farmer's Market, brunch with more dear friends, home to get ready for the wedding and off to *just!* catch the limo shuttle buses taking us all up to the venue about 40 minutes away in the foothills!

As mentioned, the wedding was fantastic. Beautiful place, people, and ceremony. Delicious and elegant food, spectacular sunset, great weather, lots of laughter, seeing friends from out of town, meeting the bride's new family - all from Australia. Like 25 people flew over!

We were so happy to see what a great family she is marrying into - hers is wonderful, too - so it was all about the love.

And the DANCING!!!!!  It was such a joy to just say Yes to several fun activities during one weekend, no disclaimers, and go - to ALL of them. And feel just swell afterward!

Today, I'm a little sore and tired. But still, happy! 

9/8/2014 One year Surgeon's Follow-up Appointment, A Lovely Walk in the Moonrise

I had my one-year follow-up with Dr. Smith, my Orthopedic surgeon today.  It was actually a year and fourteen day- check... It went so well... x-rays first, of course, then up to floor 3.
Whenever I go in now, I see people on walkers and with canes, and all I can think is, "If you're here for a new hip or two, you are in for the happiest change of your life!!"

Dr. Smith was his usual friendly self, and he took a look at my X-rays and declared that they look *great*! Everything is rock-solid, and he feels really good about how I'm doing. A+!
As always he asked me how I ma feeling, and I told him about my last three month's (since our last appointment) improvements. He said, "You look like you've lost some weight."
I haven't weighed myself  - in fact, I forgot to have them do it in his office, where the scales tend to be reliable. Mine are crap.
I told him how I am walking or cycling or both, most every night. He was glad to hear it, "well, if you're on a bike for half an hour every day and walking, that'll make you lose weight!"

My clothes aren't feeling it in the fit quite yet, but they certainly are not getting any tighter! I expect I'll notice it more, soon.
I forgot to ask him a few questions but they probably aren't his area anyway. We did discuss the "Antibiotics for every dental appointment *forever*(at this point)" issue. Oh well. I think they are not helping my auto-immune issues, but then, I don't want any systemic infections to cause issues with my replacements, either. So there it is.
We hugged - I really appreciate that a professional who has had such a profound effect on one's life has the warmth to be a hugger :) - and he said, "OK! I'll see you in a year!"
So it's on the calendar!

I came home, texted Mariam and asked her if she was available to go to our traditional "post-surgery Ice Cream at Gunther's", and she and our friend Eddie were! Eddie is having some pretty amazing successes as a professional actor right now, and it is very exciting! Eddie Ray Jackson...  a very talented home town guy, and I'm proud to see him really taking off!!

Home again, took a nap (I've been up late knitting a gift for a young friend who is having heart surgery this Thursday) and the evening was so stunningly beautiful, I had to get out into oit to walk. No excuses about the heat, and I was charged by Dr. Smith's enthusiasm!

So after dinner, out into the evening I strode. I decided it's time to break my personal best "since" (since before my hips crumbled several years ago) and walk ten blocks. My previous best was 9 blocks, so I did a good, solid ten.
As I rounded the last corner near home, I saw the moon, GIANT and bright, peek up over the houses in the darkening neighborhood. I was happy i'd brought my phone and made this rather sweet photo!

It turns out I'd lost track, and tonight was the Harvest "Super" Moon. just gorgeous, up there hollering for attention! 

Then home, more knitting, staying up too late. and that was a lovely day. 

9/3/2014 Better...

Better today.
My Facebook status tells it:

"Better... it was just enough cooler this evening to get out and walk seven good blocks, which can never fail to help lift the spirits... Met four friendly people with lovely dogs on their walks, and visited with the very cool neighbors across the street - I saw people painting and hand to go say hi! 
Making a colorful backdrop for an urban use awareness day going on in a couple of weeks - very cool women! 
Time to get some dinner together and later, half an hour on the 'bike, and maybe a few chores... maybe even finish the current knitting project..."

I did get that half hour in on the bike, dinner... 
chores, not so much... 
And worked on that knitting a bit.  

Getting out is enormously helpful. 

9/2/2014 You Can't Let Up. This is Frorm Now On

I won't dwell - but here's a cautionary thought:

If you have a slump, you're going to want to do whatever you can to get out of it .

The more you walk and bike (Or swim, or whatever your choice of keeping your body moving...)
You MUST keep it up.

The more you do, the better you will feel, and you will be pain-free.

The less you do, you will feel like you'll never walk easily again. And eventually, you might be right.
It can be reversed quickly, but it cascades... you feel bad/down/uncomfortable to walk in the heat, etc.. so you don't go walking.
The phone rings 15 minutes into your 30 minute bike session, so you cut it short...
you will feel worse.

Trust me on this.

The more you can get your butt out the door or onto that bike, just DO it - the better you will feel.
I'm workin' on that part tonight. i will NOT waste this chance to change my life nad keep it moving upward!!

We live, we learn.
But the point is, to live well.

Get moving, my friends. USE those new hips, now that you''re got 'em.

8/31/2014 Working it Out...

I didn't make it to the Farmer's Market this morning - stayed up too late knitting on a beautiful pair of fingerless "writer's gloves" with lovely wool yarn brought back from Dublin by a friend last year. Glad to be creating again...

So this morning I realized at 10:30, before my shower, that I hadn't time for the Market. 

But I met a dear friend for brunch, and it was tonic to see her. Se get each other... this is a very god thing. 

I am finding that part of my lonely feeling has to do with my best friend Deb being gone... a somewhat delayed reaction almost a year after her death, as I am back to the mobility I had in the days we spend a lot of time together, as well as, even in the days of being very busy, needing to make time - she would give me a Christmas gift of a beautiful calendar and a page of stickers :"Time with Deb". She had the same, and we would make sure to get a date on the calendar very month, using those stickers.  simple, beautiful gift. 

And so, I realize that one of the elements of my boredom and lonely feeling has a lot to do with the hole she leaves in my heart. 

I am deeply grateful to have many lovely friends, but in life, people pair off and group up... and my closest group has disbursed somewhat. 

It is a little difficult. It is also a touch harder when you are single, as I am. I have very important male friends with whom I get to spend time as often as possible, but time and distance being what they are, sometimes, that is not often enough. 

Still a bit in that arroyo of - if not self-pity, at least restlessness. So many things I would do with more money and more people to spend time with. 

I am also craving cooler weather to get out of the house and walk in. I took a nap, and the light was pretty much gone when I woke up... not the smartest idea to walk alone in the dark... it i a pretty safe area, but sometimes summer gets a little crazy. 

And so it goes... a three day vacation with nothing planned, and frustration. 

Sorry that this isn't the happiest and most Hopeful of posts... it is something others may run into, and I am simply working on a way to re-insert myself back into the world better. I'll let you know what I figure out!! 

8/30/2014 Unanticipated Boredom...

Hmmm... well... 

Here's a thing I didn't anticipate. Here I am a year plus after surgery #1, and able to get around very, very well - just need to build stamina, but of course, that is something that is alway good to do. But there's really nothing that I would say I am not really able to do yet - maybe take a long hike, yet. But otherwise, good! 

So, here I am with a WONDERFUL THREE DAY WEEKEND! And here I am - still single... and three-day weekends seem to be for couples and families to get away and do all of the THINGS! Camping - hiking - kayaking - romantic getaways... 

i am not feeling sorry for myself because I "don't have a man" ... I have wonderful people with who I can and often do spend time... 

But there is only so much that is as fun to do solo as with someone, and well, there's that budget... and it is bloody hot... 

But there they are - tons of photos of friends off camping, kayaking, taking romantic trips to the ocean. 

And the first half of day One of Three - I am bored and a bit cranky, stuck much too much to Facebook and Screens to keep me occupied... 

I knitted today, organized some of my new living room configuration (a year's worth of nesting around the big lifter/recliner which I no longer need, got rid of yesterday, and need to get it al sorted and tossed or put away again... 

Finished a wonderful book last night... 

I could study some Portuguese and read or write some poetry... Those are all tied to computer/iPad too... 

I am just antsy.. and I had forgotten about that, because when it is a given that you will be at home sitting, your world becomes very small, and you rarely, rarely go out unless you have saved up the energy and are willing to sacrifice energy the next day. 

So, though there is NO lack of gratitude for the very energy and capabilities I now have again - I would love to go dancing, to the river, any amount of activity... I have opted out of theatre *quite* yet for various reasons, so my time is not filled with rehearsal and learning material... very soon, but not quite yet. .

I feel like a bored 56-going on 40 teenager. 

I am about to grocery shop, and this evening will cook dinner and watch a bit of Doctor Who (new episode - yahoo!) and do at least half an hour on my recumbent stationary bike... But I need to be in the company of people. 

I have the Farmer's Market and brunch with a friend planned tomorrow morning... that's a good thing. 

*sigh*. 

 

 

8/26/14 Not Settling - A Happy Life - Goals

Yesterday I had my walk  - six blocks - shorter than usual, and I am trying to make them longer and get to a mile regularly (about 12-14 blocks,) but six is superior to none. I always pace myself, planning my route so that I can take the  option to go ahead and make for home or add another block to go around if I feel up to it.
I decided that I needed to do the exercise bike, too - and on a week night! I watched Sherlock win seven Emmy Awards as I cycled.
I love it on days when I can do both walk and cycle. It's one reason I'm not unhappy about not accepting a role in the Christmas show I was offered. More time to make sure I keen the routine and get stronger and healthier as time goes...
I will be in a show in the spring. I'm also really looking hard for an adult dance class - they are hard to find ( and afford), but I've been given some leads to explore. One recommended ballet studio offers one beginning contemporary dance class - exactly what I need - but it is not on their calendar right now. I'll keep an eye out for it and keep looking

I do also hope to start a nearby yoga class very soon. It is a special restorative class, and sounds perfect for me.
Budget allowing.
I hate that budget (stretched to breaking by the payments I have for my part of my hip surgery medical expenses, even though I have insurance that paid for all but 1.25 % of the surgeries and my share of office visits... still, they are very expensive surgeries. And so I cannot sometimes afford the supplements which keep me at optimal health/healing, or physical sup[port such as dance classes, yoga, massage or chiropractic care.
This is frustrating.

As compared to the vast benefits of having the hip replacements, they are relatively small issues - but I will not settle for "better". I will use this opportunity to be the best possible. It would be a huge injustice to me and to my life to just settle for - "Oh, neat! I can walk now! What's on TV? I don't feel like getting on the bike or walking tonight. So what if I'm a little stiff tomorrow?"
And more the next day, and then I am just getting by.
And sure - I watch some TV on a quiet night. I knit or get on the bike, or just relax after a long day. But I would rather, and more and more often do, get out - meet a friend for coffee, walk, get to the Farmer's Market, see a play, hear poetry read live, or read some myself at an open mic... and of course there are the times of be4ing in rehearsal or performances - that's the STUFF!
But the idea of a sedentary life spend in front of a TV when I have the precious physical ability to get out and MOVE is just too much.

I refuse to just get by! My life and what I can contribute in the world are worth so much more than that.
Life is good, so very, very good. It is a gift, and taking the best care possible of it is our personal duty. Due diligence - not just hanging out.

People often talk about Goals in Life.
There is this is idea that you have to want to be a CEO, or to Get to New York/Broadway, or Get Married and Have Babies... These are all wonderful plans...
But when I think about goals - I live in a place where I am happy, and amongst people whom I love and who love me.
I work in a job which, though is not a huge paycheck, is stable and also with good people.
And I have the opportunity to perform on stages as an Actor, a Singer, a budding Poet; to Direct other actors sometimes, or provide them with costumes or props which I have made or procured - to help to make a show look just right...

It's not that I don't have a Goal... it is that my goals are on-going... I think that my Goal is where I am. Not to settle, or be complacent or lazy. I am doing what I love to do, NOW. I am creating HERE.
And if I were to find myself with a better income, I would be happier, and if I were to somehow find that I could make my livelihood only creating Art, and not having to drive to and from to a 9-5 job, that would be even lovelier.
Yet, I understand that this is my choice, and for many good reasons. I love my life 90% of the time... I like it 95% of the time, and the 5% that I may not be so happy with? Well, them's pretty damned good percentages.

I'll continue to strive to take better and better care of myself,  become stronger and healthier, and eat good, delicious, healthy food with the occasional indulgence...
Bring on the chocolate! Here's to a happy life!

8/20/2014 One Year Out

It has been one year since my first hip surgery, the left one. 

I meant for today to be a landmark - to write something long and meaningful. But there were circumstances - mostly ones on the internet - which caused me a good bit of consternation. There's this Ice Bucket Challenge - people created it to get publicity nd awareness out on the internet to raise much-needed funds for ALS research. It's a horrible, terrifying disease. 2-5 years average, and you are gone.

No one - read, "drug companies" - seems to think it is important - read, "profitable" - enough to give attention and research to. So people who love people who are suffering with it took action. Within five weeks, it have raised 38 million (Probably more now) and counting, over the previous year in that five weeks - 1.8 million. The funds go to people who need assistive devices for breathing, speaking, moving, everything. There has never been enough to go around and also go to research... now there is. 

 Anda bunch of entitled, small minded asses decided to created a backlash. Backlashes suck.People can be such righteous morons. It seems the Ice Bucket Challenge... bugged them. They were annoyed. Well boo-effing -HOO. ALS is pretty effing annoying, too. 

There were more issues - backlash to Gluten--free diets - of which I must partake, being coeliac, and having a compromised immune system.. 

(WHY agin, do these people feel such a burning NEED to make up factoids about the - NON-EXISTANT -  detriment of anyone's gluten-free diet, whether by choice or necessity?!?)

Oh, dear GODS, I could go on and on... and yesterday I did, and it got me in fights with people I thought I knew better, and made me deeply sad and disappointed and feeling beaten to death. Little Mary Sunshine was DOWN. It took some work to extricate myself from some of those rows with people whom I love and respect, and explain and apologize out ways through it. 

Sometimes the internet is ridiculous and ugly. 

So - I was distracted, and that, TOO pissed me off - are you sensing a trend? I'm easily miffed this week - and i wasn't able to give my First Hip Anniversary its due celebration. joy, and respect. 

Here's what I came up with for a Facebook status:

"I am celebrating the one-year anniversary of my first hip replacement today. It's been a rough couple of days, and I don't feel super celebratory..
But ya know what? Fuggit.
I have my life back, and Little Mary Sunshine here is glad of it.
It's been a 99% amazing year of good stuff...
So, dammit- Happy Hip-a-versary to me."

Like

There were over 150 congratulations, "likes" and lots of Hip puns - many cheers of "Hip, Hip, Hooray!". That went a long way toward bringing me out of the deepest part of my funk (which was pretty deep)... and it continues to improve. 

I hope to take a few moments tomorrow to write something with more of that happy, grateful tenor. 

But tonight, I am glad I can walk around with only occasional pain, and that, when I have sat too long (GREAT motivation to keep it moving - instant gratification!!) aand short-lived when I get up and stretch a few times. 

I truly feel 40 years younger than I did before surgery, and I look it, too! From 55-going on 80 to 56-going on 40, baby! ANd I intend to keep going. 

Never settle for "Well, I'm better than i was - that's good enough" if ypu are able to rev it up and go for it! I haven't missed a day of either walking, exercycle or both all week. weight is coming off slowly, but strength is increasing dramatically!!! 

OK - I'll leave it at that for now, and go to bed happy that I hve made it through a Year. This is HUGE. I did go for a drink with my home-care PT, Shauna - who after I was no longer her patient, became my friend! it was wonderful and affirming. And I drank a Moscow Mule to toast by! Fitting I think. for someone as stubborn and strong as I am! 

Hurrah!! it's only the beginning of the best!!! 

And I am deeply grateful to be back. 

8/16/2014 Dance Party of One; A Life in the Arts is Just More Interesting!

A good start to the weekend! 

I got in a good strong 35 minutes on the exercycle last night. Slept in this morning and had a good breakfast - puttered around the house a bit, shopped for groceries. 

I find myself with things on the calendar to do - not commitments, but possibilities - and often deciding to do none of them. 

I have friends who have told me how interesting my life is - and I sometimes think, "Really??" and then have a really fun and interesting adventure or evening... so - even a 'fun and interesting" life isn't always so every minute of the day! 

So I had decided against several possibilities today and we feeling like I was being a bit lazy (Though there is plenty to do around the house),,, 

and then I won tickets to the theatre! I saw a really top notch show with 4 fantastic actors in it. I am reminded that a life in the theatre IS indeed interesting - and full of love and dear people, as well. The show was provocative, and excellent. Theatre which makes you think nd feel - THAT'S the stuff!! 

It was a bit last minute, so no one could go with e, but there were friends there (as there always are, having been in theatre for 40 years here, and knowing a lot of folks :) I love a true community.) 

No bike tonight, as I was home fairly late, but i was in the kitchen putting away groceries and making a sandwich (I only had time for yoghurt nd a banana before I left for the theatre, and that was NOT enough!!). I was watchign SAturday Night Live from the kitchen, and Pharrell was the musical guest. He sang "Happy" - I know a lot of peopel are sick to death of it, but I realllly really enjoy that song! 

And there was a large group of great kinds onstage with him dancing - I I was moving a bit, and then I started watching them and dancing their steps along with them - and suddenly, it was a real one-woman Dance Party in my kitchen!!!! 

I was having SO much fun, smiling, laughing and really DOING those dance steps!! Here's my Facebook status shortly after: 

ke

"Pharrell dance party just happened in m' kitchen. I danced my BUTT OFF. Because, well, i AM. Happy.
DANCIN' in my kitchen. I can do that."

I have been ACHING to get into an adult beginning dance class, just musical theatre style, so I can get the movement, grace and rythm back into my bones!!! And the last times I have tried to dance much, I was still a little wobbly - careful and cautious. 

This time. I was *mindful* - and it was pretty simple steps - but I coudl do them ALL - with gusto! 

it felt a little like flying. My winds are repaired!!! HURRAH!!!! 

In three days, it will be the oneyear anniversary since my first surgery. My home care physical therapist, which whom I have since become friends, and her boyfriend and I are going to meet for Happy Hour and celebrate! :) 

And today, I had checked with a director with whom I had discussed a couple of possible roles this year... I can't say where or what, as the casting is not publicly announced yet, but another director was asking me to audition for another Christmas show... so I dropped hte first director  aline, asking him of he was still interested, and I wasn't rushing him, but had a possibility, though this one would take priority. 

I was in the grocery store when he replied, telling me yes on X & Y shows, and the new musical director would like to hear me sing, just to know for himself. I was OVER THE MOON! First, they are shows I really wanted to do, and second,He saw mw at my very worst before the hips went down in flames. The fact that he is completely trusting that it did in fact make everything all better (and THEN some, and I'm still improving!!), sight-unseen, makes me absolutely as happy as can be!! 

I know that sometimes people can get it in their heads, "Oh, that actor can't move well... she had a lot of trouble getting around last time we worked with her..." and get tuck there... it is so gratifying that he is as excited to work with me as I am with him and his theatre!! 

My Life. It IS fun and interesting, and I am not taking one minute of that for granted. 

If it sounds to some as though I am a braggert - I will simply say, I am grateful. 

And that being in the arts DOES make your life happier, more fun and interesting. It is also extremely hard work, and a very tight schedule and a lot to learn in a short amount of time, it kicks your butt and you lose so much sleep - and I woudln't trade a bit of it. 

8/13/2014 Antibiotics, Dental Appointments

Today I had a dental cleaning.
No big deal, I have no fear or hesitation with dentists, especially good ones, and I have a good one. His hygienist never causes me pain - I take pretty good care of my teeth, and have a genetic propensity not to have tartar build up on my teeth One of the few *good* genetic things my dad passed on, bless 'im). So no big deal.

I remembered to put my one-dose antibiotics in my purse  - after joint replacements, you need to take an antibiotic to avoid serious infection. This is not just a silly way to sell drugs - I have a friend who had a near-fatal spinal infection which has ruined her life permanently due to a dental infection. As much as I am cautious about over-taking antibiotics (See previous posts re: the Shin Divot ulceration debacle).
Therefore, I follow my surgeon's orders and always take the two-pill, one-dose  antibiotics before a dental appoint, even a cleaning.
It's on my charts at my dentists' office, and he asked me if I had taken it, which is a good thing!
Then he started to ask the usual, "Has anything changed " questions... I remembered to mention that I'd had an allergic reaction to Bactrim (I had to look it up in my online records as It just wasn't coming to my brain, but it was worth the time it took). He added that to my chart - sometimes dentists will prescribe an antibiotic for a tooth issue. Good to have it there.
I got a loose crown re-cemented, too - a good thing.
I'm glad he asked and I was feeling chatty. Usually I'd remember these things, but I wasn't thinking about them when I came in. 
Came home too hungry and tired for a walk, but I did do 35 minutes on the exer-cycle. A friend had just posted a calendar she is having to keep to make herself remember to do her physical therapy at least 6 days a week. Whatever it takes! I cheered her on and then got right up, stretched and did a few of my PT items, and got on that bike. I'm really working up a sweat on that thing, and when I walk, and that's a really good thing!
It has been so long since I could do anything physical at *all* which worked my body enough to break a sweat... I feel great when I get done, no matter how tired. And I know I'm building the rest of my life. When you put it in those terms, it is a pretty swell motivation!

8/10/2014 & 8/11/2014 One More Day in Tahoe , and Home Again, Home Again...

Another lovely day in the beautiful mountains.
A liesurely morning, another delicious group-prepared meal. Debbie made a gorgeous Frittata, bacon, and pancakes for the others. Instead of pancakes(gluten) I had leftover plum crumble from last night's dessert.
We lolled about on the patio enjoying the air and all of the delightful baby animals which seem to be residents of the area between the houses here - chipmonks, squirrels, and birds of all kinds. 
Keith had brought an envelope of our late friend Deborah's ashes(they are being spread all around the world by her loved ones and documented on a world map with photos and stories- an mazing memorial). We chose a lovely wee spot at the top of a slope just out back of the cabin on the edge of forest.  I took photos as Keith shook the ashes out and let them fall among the pine needles. Deborah would love it here. I know she would love this. Just for good measure, after everyone else went inside, I sang the ave Maria for her - it was one of her favorite songs I sang for her. 

After a while three of us took a stroll up the road and across to the actual lake. We figured, coming up to Tahoe, one might want to see the actual Lake! 
After a nice sit on some tree stumps watching the water and people go by, the sky had clouded up beautifully and the life guard had called everyone out of the water having seen lightning. There was a bit of upward and downward slope, but it was good exercise. Probably a total of 4-5 city blocks each direction.
We headed back, and just as we arrived,  thunder rolled, lightning flashed, and the sky opened up! Then, the hail started!
I LOVE a summer thunder storm! It hailed hard for half an hour and is still sticking on the ground a couple of hours later. Wonderful! It was so great having real weather, when it is always so warm/hot in the Sacramento Vally. Fresh, clean chilly air is a balm!

Now we are doing the "close the cabin" chores- washing all of the sheets and towels, cleaning the kitchen and 3 bathrooms. 
I'm feeling a bit stiff and sore- putting clean sheets on my bed and helping with another one kind of kicked my butt - I can do chores, but I need to pace them and ret in-between - still building the ol' stamina. 
A little bit of "over doing" is happening. But there you go.
Time to help with chores some more - rest is over.

**************
8/11
Chores were finally finished, we buttoned the place up: leaving slider screens open (in case of freezes, so getting in or out isn't blocked by a frozen screen door that has to be ruined to get it unstuck), re-setting the water heater to "vacation" mode, refilling the containers of Pine-sol outside each of the doors - who knew Pine-sol repelled bears!?, locking the garage.
The drive home was - erm - tired and a bit grumpy.
The driver was in a hurry to get home... The much-too-fast corners were painful on my hips, trying to balance and not get tossed around the van. Nothing to be done for it. 'Nuff sed, peace was restored by home. 

Fortunately, the housework (making beds, lots of stairs, countertops, etc.) and walked low hills which had me pretty sore by the night, once again proved to be beneficial, not detrimental, for me this morning (Monday) when I woke up to go to work. 
I was a bit peeved that after the earliest bedtime I've been in bed in years (11:30pm) and 8 hours of sleep, I did NOT feel rested this morning! 

Ah, well. A quiet evening home, dinner of good steamed vegetables and the last of the plum crumble... And I just got off the exercycle for a good strong half hour! 



One last sad note - brilliant comedian and actor Robin Williams passed today. I've ever seen such universal grief for a performer. A terrible, deeply sad loss. 

8/9/2014 Getting Away to Tahoe

I'm at Lake Tahoe ( about two hours from home ) for a little mini-vacation with four dear old friends, three from High School and College and the husband of one... It's a "cabin" - four bedrooms, two decks, three bathrooms, a fully- stocked kitchen, all wood, etc... A lovely place to relax among the incense cedars and pines, with stunning views and lovely mountain air.

We drove up last evening (Friday) and had a great day today. Drove up the road a bit to the bustling town, with a wooden boat show and museum, and an art festival. 
I am not buying things these days, but it was a lovely warm day, and we wandered among the art and craft booths ogling pretty things, and looked at the boats and enjoyed the history of the Lake and the Ghost Boats...
And I was aware the whole time that I was not concerned with how long or far we were going to walk. 
The friends whose family's cabin it is is Debbie, who also had a hip replacement recently and is recovering beautifully. But she also has fibromyalgia and it was interesting after all this time to be the one who was checking on someone else to see if they needed to rest, etc. and not on the receiving end of that need!
She did great! 
I was really just enjoying a stroll and not being sore or too tired. 
We enjoyed ourselves, and then went to Safeway in town for a few provisions. That's when I was reminded that I still can feel the after-effects of a long-ish stroll.
Not too bad, but I was done before the others, and I was really ready to sit in the van, feeling a touch wobbly.
We came back to the house - er, cabin, whipped up a great meal with two appetizers, grilled chicken and veg and a plum crumble for dessert. Everything was wonderful. 
Then we sat around the table and played Cards Against Humanity. A wicked raunchy, hilarious game, and we laughed often and long. That kind of laughter is good for the soul. 
Three of us went to bed, and Deb and I, the late birds, stayed up and gabbed and yakked, as we did in our college roomie days. 

I'm bedding down now, and I can feel the after effects of a long stroll, standing cooking in the kitchen and sitting in wooden dining chairs for a while... A bit stiff and a little sore, but not bad. I got a good walk in today, and it was a fine thing. 
Tomorrow is house keeping day, laundering all the sheets and towels, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming all the rooms and leaving it as we found it. We'll make our meals and clean them as we go....
It is interesting not to be the least mobile and able person in any group. We're all within two or three years of each other in age here, and there are creaks among us all. So, we'll all do our share and get it all back in ship shape, and be on our way back down the hill. It's been a lovely time among the mountains by the big lake, and I'm glad we came. 
It'll be nice to be home, too.