5/30/2014 Better Days and Delightful Soirée

I can't believe it's almost the middle of the year... just a random observation as I type out the date in the subject line! 

Not much happened yesterday - a little sore, a little tired, etc. Came home, got on the exercise bike, my sick kitty wanted food - when she wants to eat - I feed her, as poor as her appetite is.

BUT - much better than my down day Wednesday! 

 

i had a lovely Skype date with my niece and her baby - I love them a ton - it is always a delight. 

Then I worked on music and the Portuguese poem my friend has written - very exciting! 

Tonight, I sang for a diabetes research benefit at two friends' beautiful home - it was SO much fun! Great friends singing and playing piano, and Bob and JR have the most wonderful circle of beautiful friends! The little informal cabaret we sang was just a blast - my voice, which has been thrashed with uncharacteristically bad allergies, did me a favor and just held in there fine. We made 'em laugh, we made 'em cry. They were very complimentary. I was reading the lyrics to one very funny song as I sang (We only had a couple of weeks - and no rehearsals together - to prepare) and I didn't have the fourth page!! SO I just made a schtick out of it, ran around the piano 

(Didja notice THAT?! RAN??? Oh yeah! in little heels, even!) 

and read it off his pages as he played!! THey were right with me, and it really is a very funny song - so hurray! 

A fine time was had by all! 

I stood up for long lengths of time with no pain and minimal ankle swelling ( HURRAH! - yay for the shin divot!) 

and I spoke with two of the guests- one of whom has had one hip replaced and is looking at another now - and one of whom is very young for hip issues, but has them anyway - she get so much pain, and I had a long conversation with her and her husband ( Both very cool, lovely people!) and I think I helped her to feel better about the possibility and less fear for the prospect. She even has the same medical group as I do, Sutter - and I was able to heartily recommend Dr. Smith when and if the time comes for replacements. 

THIS is what this whole thing is about. 

it feels a bit "meta" here - I told her about my blog, in case it might give her an idea of what it's like on a day to day basis - the ups and downs from at least one perspective - and we just became friends on Facebook - and i sent her this URL - so - if you're ready, Kiny - WELCOME! :) 

I'm glad you're my friend, and it was wonderful meeting you and Mike tonight!!

Ah well - I must go have another look at the Portuguese poem, as we meet to do more table work on it tomorrow! 

As the Portuguese say (And has become one of my favorite expressions):

"Até logo!" (Literally: "Until soon!") 

5/28/2014 A Bit of a Downswing

Not the best day... they go up, they go down, yes? 

At PT I was a bit sore and didn't do a ton.. ultrasound on the knee and ice, a little balance work. 

We discussed my lull - the shin divot seems to have cause it. jut a little low - which really pisses me off, because all I want to be is a GREAT patient, and really a juggernaut at my pt and recovery - be cause they are one and the same. Dammit. 

Only one more PT session to go and she's going to have to cut me loose. However, if I DO need her later, I can get my doctor to recommend more appointments - that is very reassuring, 

Money issues. Maya Angelou died today and that really, REALLY sucks. I wish I could wax more eloquently about it, but her own words trump anythign I coudl say. Hit Google, read some of them, and let her inspire you. She was something very, very special.

I'm feeling uninspired poetically - at a bit of a dead-end, as I need to become a better educated poet. I am - but - I feel still like a beginner, five ears in. I remind myself that some of the poets I admire most - soem really amazing poets! have onl been writing about as long as I have - "came late to it" as it were. So - onwe go... 

 Allergies I don't actually HAVE have been kicking my ass and ruining my singing voice (and I sing for a diabetes benefit in two days.) 

Hoped to get our of the house for a poetry reading this evening, but I was just out of personal fuel. 

Suddenly my computer isn't playing videos. I use them a lot for tools for learning music, and for inspiration. Grrrrr... 

Missing one of my favorite people... and a few others too. 

Sorry if you came for a pep talk today, apologies - I'm a bit low on them... 

But- hey! The E Street Band was inducted into the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame! 

This can show you that even The SIlver Lining Queen can have low days - so I hope that helps! 

It'll be better soon. I have a bit more pain in the left hip - I see my surgeon for the next three-month followup in about two weeks... (last week was the 9 month-iversaryof the new left hip - it's almost 6 months on the right one). 

People keep telling me how great I look... how well I'm moving - I'll take it. 

And the Divot is healing... 

And I received a very touching card and a beautiful pair of earrings from my sister in the mail today - that is lovely!

Right, then! Onward, my friends... 

And in a few days it should be a little better- perhaps a lot! 

 

5/27/2014 Half a Divot! (and a Bit of Feline News).

I had my second visit with the wound care specialist today. My Shin Divot has healed almost halfway across in the week since I first saw her and started correct treatment! WHat a relief! I am so glad - and wish I'd ben sent there earlier. She is trying to get the skin to flatten out a bit, as it has raised a little around the edge, so I'll have minimal scarring - I appreciate that! 

Odds are that, unfortunately, since it was not treated properly for the first three weeks of treatment, it will scar pretty noticeably. 

But i can live with that. She said, "You heal really well, and very fast!" 

I appreciated that, after the vascular department talking about how deep it was and treating it like a chronic illness. 

It was NOT varicose vein-related - I don't have varicose veins. 

it was NOT cellulitis or diabetes related - because I am NOT diabetic. 

*sigh* 

It WAS an injury, which swelled, which restricted blood flow. Had I known to apply a compression bandage long before, it would not have gotten to this point. But - there it is. 

I'm happy that it's healing, and that another medical professional was paying attention to the *patient*, not just treating a wound. 

We made three more appointments, in hopes that I'll be able to cancel the last one or maybe even two! Very encouraging. 

Tomorrow I will call and cancel the vein mapping ultrasound appointment that the vascular surgery department made for me. It is NOT needed, and is an unnecessary and *expensive* procedure. $100 copay. Nope. I'll let my primary care Dr. know and cancel any further appointments with vascular surgery. 

I am VERY much ready for this to be done. These ulcerations can sometimes recur, but that is when that other above mentioned conditions exist. If I start to swell, I'll wear the pressure stocking. Otherwise, I am not in that danger. 

In other news: My little Electra cat, who has been battling pancreatitis but had recovered pretty well, had a back slide - after 3 days of prednisone and an appetite stimulant, I finally got her to eat about 3/4 of a small can of kitty tuna, and found a dry food that she had an appetite for. Poor wee, skinny thing - I dearly hope she can recover from this - she is only two. Her sister Maia, on the other hand, is almost twice her size - bigger, and a bit fat. She's bee raiding Electra's special foods. 

I started to get some time in on the exercycle, and after about 5 minutes,  Electra begged for more food. If she wants to eat, she gets food. She needs to gain weight and get healthy again. *sigh* 

5/26/2014 Memorial Day

Memorial Day is a day to remember those who have given their lives in military service. 

I don't believe in the validity of war, but I do respect and thank all who have the courage to give up any part of their lives to serve and protect, and thank those who lose their lives in the process. Like my Dad, who was in the Air Force - he was a bit of a mess, largely because of what he did in the service which ultimately killed him - but he died on active duty, and though he was a mess, I thank him for what he did, his service to the country, and the good things he did give us ( like a home in beautiful Northern California to come back to after he died). 

There seems to be a cadre of people who are cranky about "Happy Memorial Day" wishes. There are internet memes, "When did Memorial Day become National BBQ day?" Well, I respect that, but i would submit that we all mourn differently - and different cultures actually celebrate their dead with festivals, picnics on their deceased loved one's graves and offerings to their ancestors, all in joy. Wakes are a celebration of those who have gone before. 

 

Last night I cried many tears as I watched the Concert for Memorial Day from the National Mall in DC. Touching readings of letters from military people from the front, music celebrating those gone - some sincere, some cheesy (I am not certain that the breathy young thing singing "My Heart Will Go On" from Titanic was *exactly* the thing, but that may just be me), some patriotic and some deeply moving. 

And then, today, I took the third day of the three day weekend and went to a lovely, relaxing barbecue with dear friend from the theatre community, maybe one or two of whom might have served in the military. We shared food, and conversations from serious and deep to silly and full of stories and laughter. I don't feel guilty for enjoying the company of my friends. 

It was lovely to be there among more friends who have not seen me this well or happy in a very long time and their congratulations and marveling hugs... but it was also wonderful to feel the same way toward the two hostesses, both of whom were going through cancer with a month of each other at the same time I was having hip surgeries. Brain tumor/surgery and radiation for Kris, and breast cancer and chemo for Robin. It was wonderful to marvel at their recoveries and how well they are doing. We had all shared thoughts at the time about how, if we were not laid up ourselves, we would be there along with the others to help... And there were days when some lovely couple would cook and bring me dinner having just returned from driving Kris or Robin to and from their treatments. We talked tonight abut how incredibly loving and generous our theatre community here in Sacramento is. We could not be more fortunate. 

And so -  without awkward or ambivalent feelings, I wish you a Happy Memorial Day, and grateful thanks to those who served and sacrificed. 

 

5/25/2014 A Relaxed Holiday Weekend - Working on Balance

Yesterday (Saturday) was a very low-key day. I am trying very hard NOT to have days which are TOO low-key. I must keep the body moving... 

but, looking up everything I can find for Wound Care (And this infernal Shin Divot) caloric intake is important - the body needs it. I'm not going crazy, and at the same time I am rying to be as sugarless (NOT substituting sugar substitutes - I never eat artificial sweeteners, and I really am trying to eat no added sugars- real fruit is fine and actually well- indicted)... so, things I wouldn't normally eat as much- more red meat, carbs, dairy fats ( I know - but I really did thorough research, and at the moment, healing is more important than weight). 

And yet - my weight isn't great. It's creeping up... I prefer it to be less - I am too round for optimum  mobility and such...  and yet... that divot. 

I cannot wait to get that healed and move ON and UP. 

 I DID get in 20 minutes on the exercise bike. 

I also sat and watched a lot of tv. BUT - I made sure to get up at least once an hour and move around the apartment. And hey! It was BBC America. ;) 

I finally got my act together to get showered and dressed up a bit and off to  a lovely part just up the street - got to see lots of delightful younger friends, and made some new ones! I am not a big fan f very loud and raucous parties, but this group are mostly well-kown friends, and the energy is always fun and full of love (I do so love my theatre people!) and so, much more enjoyable. IT was fun showing off my mobility - I admit, I did more than one short "catwalk" to show my lack of a limp and smoothness of my gait. :) 

It was very good to make plans (My habit, now) for the weekend evenings after my show closing. If an actor has no plans, the weekend after can be pretty emotionally low. Your body has gotten into the discipline of "Now id when I head off to the theatre... now I should be warming up with the cast... it's 8:15 - I should be onstage singing____" etc. Not being there can be really lonely, and feel very unproductive. And so I make plans. 

I was at the party until about 1:30, walked out to my car with a dear friend with whom I'd not have a chance to talk for a long time. Finally home, and eventually very late to bed... And of course, unable to sleep until 4:30 am. I must not decide that it's ok to pass up my bed-time supplements (which Include Calcium/Magnesium, very helpful for sleep) if I go to bed and remember that I've not taken them yet. That's laziness. 

I have also begun to do something I promised I would not to - slack on my PT. That is unacceptable, however much I want to live "normally" again. THAT part of Normal has to go away and become abnormal. 

Summer heat, laziness, lateness - blah blah blah. No acceptable. It is time to turn that back around, no matter how sorry I start to feel for myself about "set-backs" (like the shin divot). 

That's my little self- pep-talk. 

It was nice to have friends ask if I was OK going down the stairs (they are a little steep, older and wooden), but even nicer to say, "Yup! no problem - thanks! " 

Today stated rather lazily - needed sleep until 11:30 - and on the computer all morning... I need to get to a few things ( Well more than a few need doing - but I'm pacing myself, this holiday weekend. ;) )

This evening, it's another birthday celebration dinner at my favorite Sushi place with Mariam (My friends are so generous!!) to make up for the disappointment of dinner on my birthday night this last week. And time to hang out with Mariam is always lovely! 

5/23/2014 I Can Crack My Back

Here's on ot the Little Things I Can Do!  

I have always been able to relieve pressure in my back with a careful, properly aligned twist of my back - lying on my side, knees bent, and twisting the upper body in the opposite direction of my knees ,carefully pressing on my hip. 

This went away when my hips disintegrated and froze up. My whole frame was always just stuck. 

Of course, after surgery with more exercise and PT and stretching, it's all sloooowly loosened up. Recently I VERY carefully tried it, and it really released my back - my lower back is so much less stiff, and that makes my whole legs much less stiff and sore! 

It is such a relief. Yay, little skeleton!! 

Now, once the Divot heals, I'll be able to go back to a less caloric diet, and before long when  Dr. Smith (Hip surgeon) deems that I'm on my way, I can start eating less red meat and dairy (both important for healing bones and wounds.) and get my weight down a bit. 

It all works together! 

My knees are a little goofy -  when I sit too long, they stiffen up - but the cartilage tests out great and abundant - so exercise is the key. When I stand up. stretching them upward lifting my knee upward, and then back, "kicking" my backside, sort of stretches and aligns them so I don't have a limp for the first ten or so steps. 

So - onward! 

5/22/2014 Nine Months SInce Hip #1... Progress Report... BP Meds... Farewell to An Institution

I forgot to note on Tuesday May 20, it was the 9 month "anniversary" of my new left hip!! HURRAH! coming right along - numbness on the top-outer surface of the thigh diminishes slowly, steadily. I can live with it - it's a very fair price to pay for having my mobility back! But it's nicer to have the feeling back! 

I keep having realizations of little small New Things while I am away from anything to take notes with... I get back to me desk ot such, and IT's gone like the wind.

But the good news is - New Little Things occur almost daily, still. 

After wearing heel yesterday the only after effect had nothing to do with my hips or knees or the shin divot - just a bit of running on the wide part of my foot! It seems my pretty patent leather dancing shoes need breaking in! I'll take that!

My thighs were a touch sore, but it was clearly "using different walking muscles" sore, not "I wore those shoes too soon: sore. 

Lots of stretching today, less pain. Remember that as you go through this. 

Slowing down stretching or strengthening works agains you. 

DO the exercises. If you're exhausted. do hal the reps, but if you can possibly, push through and DO them. increase them! You will feel pretty much instantly better. 

I looked up side effects of the blood pressure medicine I take today - I've had soem odd symptoms... and I think they are side effects of the Hyzaar (Losartan). 

All thebetter reason to get stronger, be better and GET WALKING! weight coming off (After the Shin Divot - you're supposed to up your calories when healing a wound) - I will push my Doctor to wean me off the BP meds. 

DON'T DO THIS ON YOUR OWN. I had no high BP before the hip pain - it started and went from occasional to more often to consistent low- level high BP - there are four phases of hig BP - I was in the lowest level, just above "normal", and it was directly correlated to my levels of pain. 

Because they will not do surgery without it, I had no choice before my hip replacements. It's almost time to 

Today was fine at work, and then off to Japanese dinner with friends. Unfortunately, other than having a bottle of GF soy sauce on hand, the restaurant was pretty much unable to help me eat anything but sushi, which I love, but I was craving good cooked family-style Japanese food. The restaurant has been around since I was wee - I celebrated my 11th birthday there - and today I celebrated my 56th, and it will be the last time I eat there. Poor indifferent service, much higher prices than they were, small portions, and almost nothing I could eat, nor any small effort to make it so. 

Since I was 11, the same ladies had worked there - they remembered my Mom, who died 25 years ago! She spoke Japanese with them, and I was born thre, so we were alwyas just a wee bit special, and I'd leave saying one of the few Japanese phrases U knew - "O ya sumi na sai" - "Good evening",  basically. The restaurant moved a few years ago and this was my first time at the new place. It had no atmosphere, where the old place had fans and Japanese art, and sold Japanese candies at the counter... 

but the sushi was the final straw. It used to be fresh and expertly prepared. 

This fish was only "sort of" fresh, not very flavorful, and it was just chopped into irregular chunks with knives tht were *clearly* not at all sharp.  I wasn't even sure that I might not be sick when I got home. So far, so good.  When you pick up one piece of fish and the other two next to it come up too, because they are still connected by the silver skin membrane which should have been removed in the first pace?

You lose me forever. My dear Nagato's, another bastion of my youth, goes away. 

Happily, there are many very good Japanese places with superior sushi, which I will enjoy, and they are much closer to my home. But the restaurant that I used to coem to with my Momma, whose Mama-san waitresses remembered me and my Momma - is gone. And so - we move on.

5/21/14 Birthday!!

I turned 56 today! I feel MUCH more like 46! It was a great day - I've been off sugar for almost two weeks, but I indulged (Actually the local Gluten-Free  bakery gave me a free piece of delicious, rich birthday cake last night and I couldn't wait till today!)  - actually  - over-indulged! I didn't eat much sugar before the sugar fast, but WHEEE - a scone for breakfast, a lemon bar and salted caramel chocolate popcorn (!!) after lunch just about set me free!! A friend told me I sounded drunk over the phone! I was pretty giddy. :D 

Then off to dinner with a dear one, and absolutely spectacular conversation! Poetry, performing, films, family and how we all perceive our own families differently... it was splendid! And of course - Facebook Birthdays really truly are the best! :) 

Where else in the world do you get 350 friends telling you to have a happy day!? 

I felt pretty good - kept stretch and warmed up - dressed up for work - INCLUDING (low) heels! I have only worn heels on stage (for one song) and that fateful time when I caught the heel on the stair and fall ( thus beginning the Saga of the Shin Divot!) I was careful, and it was fun to feel pretty! 

Tomorrow I will be sensible again, and wear my flats, and wear a bit less makeup, but it was FUN to start feeling Normal and pretty! The hips were good all day. They only felt like they were working different muscles with the heels, not hurting. That was wonderful! Moving forward after all! That felt really good after the last week or so, 

And the birthday fun carries on for a few days... 

5/20/14 PT Today, A Little Pre-Birthday Treat

Let's see... today... Still very tired... Maybe the healing process of this wound (the Shin Divot). Though several friends posted that they had a REALLLY hard time waking up today. Could be the barometer change. 

I had physical therapy today - it's hard, because I have not bee as vigilant with exercise, primarily due to my fatigue and lack of stamina right now. Not entirely - I'm doing stretches every time I get up. Doing some of my bed PT... 

It's a little disappointing. 

BUT! Now that I'm off the stage for a while, and will have some time, AND I'm healing this divot... I'm confidant that it's time to pick it back up. 

Physical Therapy today was all right - it confirmed that I still have pretty good balance... Anne didn't work me too hard because my hips are hurting a bit (Especially when I release from standing on one leg, for a moment). Calves are aching a bit again - she is pretty certain that's the sciatic  I need to strengthen my lower back, and ice it more. 

But, I'm not discouraged... Things happen - I'm getting better, just taking a little side trip to "Shin Divot Land" ... 

On a happy note, I stopped in to my local Gluten-Free bakery, Pushkin's - the NICEST people!! - to pick up a wee birthday treat for tomorrow. I've been mostly off sugar, but  COME ON!! It's my BIRTHDAY! :) 

 She was *just* closing - and they were out of every single thing!!! HURRAH for them!!! I told her I'd come back in the morning - she said, "We DO have some cake left, woudl you like a piece of cake?"  I declined, and she said, "Woudl you like a piece for free? It's the end of the day, I'd love for you to have a piece instead of wasting it!!!" 

I grinned ans accepted, saying, "You know what's funny? Tomorrow is my birthay and I was coming in fr a birthday treat!!" 

I will come in in the morning for a little breakfast treat, because I still want to buy something from them - though they are clearly not wanting for business! HURRAH! 

ANd - you know - a birthday treat! Because - I ate my birthday piece tonight after my dinner! :D OOPS! THe day after tomorrow, no more sugar.  Definitely no white sugar - occasional things have a little honey or maple syrup in them (Cereal, for instance) because I researched the foods I ned for healing, and grains and carbs are important right now.) 

Anyway... I'm going to try to turn in soon - I have no plans for the Day, but I'd like to be rested, for once! 

I MAY drive up to the gelato shop where my friend works in the foothills and enjoy some fabulous gelato and get a nice little visit with him, if he is on schedule for the evening. 

Otherwise, I have dinner plans with friends the next evening - Japanese food! Hurrah! 

5/19/2014 Closing Wounds, Closing Shows (Good News)

It was a busy weekend! I found the compression stockings for the Shin Divot - oh SO much better than ace bandages, and I was able to get  the vascular PA to write a prescription, so I could pay for it on my FSA card. Injury is expensive. :/

Had a great meeting to do "tablework" (Discussing the interpretation, history etc) on an epic poem my friend wrote and he, another actor friend and I are working on for  public reading. Very exciting creative process! 

I'm pretty tired - I think it's the Divot - small wounds can still require big energy to heal. I am making sure to eat well and enough, and I am TIRED! Friday and Saturday's shows were good ( a few bobbles Friday, but - hey! Live theatre, folks! ). 

Because Im so tired, I'm a bit set back in the hip department, nothing terrible, but a bit more pain - it is amazing how any period of inactivity can really put you back. All in good time, but I am ready to do this MOVING FORWARD thing!! 

Today, I had my first appointment with the Wound care specialist - 

This is a conversation I had with a friend about it: 

So I'm wondering why Dr. Norene didn't just send me there in the first pace - but obviously he had vascular concerns.

They were *great*! I had asked a coworker who is a nurse about my wound and the care from the vascular team and it seemed not the right thing to her. Somewhat archaic - zinc oxide, gauze and changing the dressing twice a day, wrapping it.

She was right. Ace bandage and zinc oxide are a very outdated treatment.

The Wound care specialist used silver nitrate to re-open the edges and surface of the wound, which I knew they might. I didn't hurt at all, but it's a little ouchy tonight - expected, no problem.

The reason for that is, the edges were prematurely healing, or "rolling", and there was a thin layer of skin prematurely forming over the healing "granular" tissue, sort of sealing it and not firing the right enzymes for healing.

I will definitely continue to go.

It turns out that changing the dressing 2x a day, as I was directed by the vascular PA was WAY to often!

It doesn't let the tissue heal! SO - silver nitrate, the a collagen patch filling the wound. Over that, this blue foam stuff that absorbs any fliud, and then a waterproof sealer. I dress it in three days, see how it's doing... then once more before I see her next Tuesday. I'm still using the pressure stocking, which i SO prefer! She was OK with that, and taylored the dressing to it, as well as making it waterproof. There are apparently a bunch of ways to do it .

I FINALLY feel like it's the right thing!!! The wound care team was great!

They iiked that I wanted to know all about it, and that I already knew some about it.

I'm feeling a little under the weather tonight, just like one does when you have a new owie - not sick, but very tired. I'm making sure to eat plenty - protein and veg and fruit. Working very hard not to eat any sugar, but I'm also supposed to be eating carbs (for wound healing) - cereal and such... it comes with a little maple syrup in it.. I don't add any, and I'm not sweetening my coffee. Sugar is everywhere. I ate a tiny piece of cheesecake last night after strike - probably shouldn't have, but I was celebrating.

Speaking of last night, the show closed spectacularly. It was an OVER-sold house - they added 10 chairs - and they were a fantastic, responsive audience. couldn't as for a better way to close - except, NOT to close!!! This one, I was absolutely NOT ready to end.

I love that group of theatre artists, and we created a beautifully-told/sung story with this beautiful musical. It's going to be hard next weekend when it would be time to go to the theatre!

Funny enough - it just dawned on me that I have a birthday in two days! Not one plan!! I have been preoccupied with the wound and the show, and of course there's my day job! 

Ah well - something will present itself!

5/15/2014 Ups and Downs. Really?!

Well, it's a mixed day. 

Great news - the Shin Divot is definitely  healing - there is a pebbled quality to the healing surface that you want to look for.  It heals from the "floor" pf the wound up, of course. And it's there!!

I have an appointment with the wound care specialist Monday... I don't think I'm going to need to go weekly, because I *think* I'm taking proper care of it. I hope to get a decent quantity of supplies, because you cannot buy the texture of ace bandage - a bit thinner, stretchier, with velcro strips instead of those hideous treacherous barbed clips (which you cannot wear to bed for danger of severe skin damage, and that would really be defeating the purpose, don't you think?). We'll see - but I am DEFINITELY seeing actual, faster healing now. And WITHOUT the additional course of antibiotics! Hurrah! (Knock wood). 

But - so then - I volunteered to help with Box Office for my friend's beautiful production of the Virginia Woolf story "Orlando". That means a free ticket, as well - I appreciate the barter system of comps in theatre. Run front of house, see the show for free! 

No problem. 

So,,, I walk on out to the car, lots of time to spare... but somehow, I step - funny. I didn't trip, or stumble, or step oddly... I was just freakin' walking. ANd my Left Knee suddenly goes, "GINK*!!!

What I did, or how - I do not know, but I'm really pissed. my left  knee is my BETTER knee!!! no stress since the first surgery - the right knee has suffered bursitis from holding up my whole frame while my hips couldn't - but not the LEFT ONE! 

It was sore the whole evening - but the REALLY crappy thing, is that it makes me LIMP. 

I have not had a limp in months!!!!! 

And it would be no big deal, but for the fact that I have three performances this weekend.  Including steps. Only two at a time, but I have to go up twice, - not that bad - and down twice - OUCH!!! 

W. T . Actual. F?!? 

Sorry - but I'm really not amused about this. I think it's a small temporary thing - I iced it tonight and it was a little better... but I think no exercycle would be prudent until it stops hurting. 

This needs to be done. 

The hips are a little sore, due to not getting the work they need. And THEY are what I should be focusing on!!! 

Grrrrrr... 

Moving on... very gingerly. 

5/13/2014 Treatment Frustration - Warts and All.

I've already typed this all out on Facebook. so I'll just paste those posts below,without the comments from friends... - too tired to write it out again.
Hope it edits coherently.  I was pretty pissed off and frustrated. Sometimes the SIlver Lining get a little dull.

I just want to get on with my hips healing... You might understand. Lesson here - DON'T FALL. (Duh).

"Frustrated with Dr.s who won't give me a second opinion. I just want some questions answered. Like, " isn't FIVE COURSES of antibiotics (one for each hip surgery, one for a dental appt- required after hip replacement- one just finished for the shin divot, and a SECOND one prescribed for the shin divot, even though it's healing) in nine months too much?!? This is a legitimate question!!

I take a pro-biotic. The point is, I already have a compromised immune system(Coeliac disease) and would really love to NOT ruin my body's resistance. 
I was sent to the vascular surgeon for a compression bandage. came out with the bandage, plus, so far, a bone scan(done, and came back negative for infection), after is was administered, my primary care called to tell me I could hold off in it. too late- radioactive dye already administered! - plus 
new orders for a vain mapping ultrasound, another antibiotic(the PA told me WRONGLY that I was positive for MRSA!!! When i queried that, she re-read my results and said, " Oops!! i,m so sorry! It's NOT MRSA!!" But still, an order for a second antibiotic, the day after i finished the first one and had an allervgic reaction on the last day. 
Wtf!! Be a little more careful, dammit! 
I just don't want unnecessary tests or over-medication, and those are legitimate concerns! 
Grrrrrr.....

There was no infection to start with!!! The ulceration is deep, I understand. But it is healing with compression bandage treatment! 
Oh they also added weekly wound care clinic. AFTER telling me I was taking care of it properly and well!
Hoping for a call from my primary care.

I tested NEGATIVE FOR INFECTION. before the first antibiotic - which i took, and finished. And THEN had a reaction to. I am not being unreasonable here, wanting a second opinion!
I just want some bloody reasonable communication.

I want to know of my Pcp agrees with the second antibiotic. He was dubious about the first one. 
I have new hips- I don't want to jeopardize them! I just need more information!! I really feel the vascular dept may be throwing tests at me. It's draining my FSA account fast, and I need it for hip replacement recovery. If I need it - great! I'll get it! But "I have doubts. I have such doubts."
Sigh "

a friend posted: "Maybe, maybe not. But most of the time doctor's second an opinion rather than offering a second opinion. You have to know how to ask this question so it isn't a leading question, as they say in the lawyer biz. Don't ask a doctor who knows your doctor, and don't offer the second doctor the information from the first. They are a tight club."

More from me: "that's the truth. My Pcp is the one who questioned the vascular surgeon first, so I'm hoping he'll get back to me soon. Just wanting to do the exact RIGHT things! I just want some answers. And my full health back. I'm wiling to do the work- I just need correct information as to what that IS!!"

Another friend: "You are the ONLY expert on your exact body. Listen to your own second opinion-it is valid!"

Me: "Except, that I am not medically trained. I know up to a point, but i have an injury i don't know well. am getting conflicting, confusing information from the professionals. Hence, my frustration.
I usually get *great* care at Sutter, hence the frustration. My Primary Care doc got back to me. He said to reiterate my concern to the vascular surgeon with details. I will, and if he still says yes, I'll take the antibiotic again. My doc said he was being over-cautious. 
In most cases I'd say - "sure, ok". But I am very aware of the balance of treatment. *sigh*. Thanks all. I appreciate the feedback.

Just sent one more note to the Vascular surgery team to clarify my concerns. After their response, if they say it's all still a go, I'll comply." 


So there's my whole frustrating day, in a mostly one-sided version of the conversation thread I had. I have extraordinary, smart, helpful and loving friends. I was grateful for their feedback (Even a few slightly odd responses, they were well-intented) 
If it looks like a tempest in a teapot - I am just trying to get clear and smart information on how to heal best, fastest and most intelligently. 

I wish you a lovely day to come. 

5/10 and 5/11/14 An EventFul Weekend - Theatre and Mother's Day and Reactions

Saturday - 

Took the last of the anti-biotic for the Shin DIvot. 

Every morning, every evening, it's change the dressing, wrap fro tow to knee. 

I am already tired of it, and it will get more annoying as the Sacramento summer sets in, topping 100 degrees. We're predicted for 90's all next week.  I rarely wear socks or stockings. Not looking forward to  wrapped leg in the heat. Aka, "Ain't We Got Fun". 

Got some rest today, got a few things accomplished... had a great performance of A New Brain. It gets better every night. 

Sunday - 

slept much later than I meant to, but rest is good. I was a bit puffy and groggy for a while, but no big thing. 

It's Mother's Day, and though I am a single woman with no children, and whose mother died 24 years ago (and is sorely missed daily), I have ambivalent feelings about it. 

The commercialism of it makes me kind of cranky - EVERY COMMERCIAL id for Mother's Day... Every store and restaurant assumes you are a mother and wants to give you a flower. FLowers are sweet. But I'm not a mother, and I miss mine. I don't regret not having children, but I don't have them. 

Unless you count all of the beloved friends who indulge me and let me mother them, and all f the by now dozens and dozens of peopel whose mother I've played on stage over tha last four decades! So - I do feel very motherly, and there is quite a cadre who actually do call me Mamma as a nickname, and I confess to loving it. 

My lovely, dear friend Megan tapped on my door not long after I got up, bearing a big beautiful bouquet of Balloon Flowers and a beautiful sweet card for Mother's day! She made them, and they were specific flowers - a purple and yellow iris, two daisies and two roses, tied in an orange balloon bow! she made my week, and warmed my heart! 

I did 10 minutes on the exercycle - hurray for building endurance! 

Then I took of my night shirt to shower. And discovered a charming red spotted rash moving from me chest and neck down my torso. 

!?!?? Really?? Have I not have enough ridiculousness??! 

I looked it up and couldn't figure it out - and then I looked up "Bactrim side effects"/ 

BINGO. first one, red spotted itchy rash. 

and - flue like symptoms, cough, etc - all of which I have had n the last week thinking it was allergies, which I have not have in 15 years!! 

AND - a thickened tongue - which I though was from eating pineapple, but usually canned pineapple does not to that, only raw! 

Annoying that the rash would show up the day AFTER I am done with the course, but there it is. 

It is not worsening, it's actually getting better. If it had gotten worse I'd have gone to the ER... but it sure was fun trying to deal with hiding it for the show with layers and layers of makeup and powder. Especially since my cocktail dress is low cut. So - leggings to hide the damn leg bandage, and lots of extra makeup to hide the rash. 

Pretty. Acting is SO glamorous!!! 

Still, the show went very, very well. Standing ovation and great response. 

 

I see my vascular PA again tomorrow - and the GOOD news is, it looks like the Sin DIvot has finally turned the corner to improving! 

At least the surface / edges of the wound have flattened they were swollen, or sort of raised up, even without the rest of the leg swelling. It's flat with the rest of the leg now... good news! So just maybe the bandage will be gone before the height of the summer. 

5/9/2014 Things I Can Do Again

Things which I have recently noticed I can do again: 

I no longer use a cane, ever. 

I only use handicapped parking when I need it - and I still do legitimately need it sometimes. Some people don't quite understand that sometimes, because I am doing so well. After a drive of more than about 20 minutes, my hips and especially my right knee still stiffen up, and if there is not a regular space within a reasonable  to the door of my destination, I will sometimes use the handicapped space. This is still legit, and I'm not being lazy.

Get through the day with minimal pain medication (Extra strength Tylenol only), in fact the current issue I need Tylenol for is the Shin Divot. once or twice a day it just throbs to about a level 8 pain for a while. But the hips and knee ,which they get stiff and sore, don't need medication most of the time. 

Stand and balance on my left foot for up to 30 seconds, and the right for about 15. 

I can walk (mindfully - always mindfully) across a multi-terrained area which I know (For instance from my porch down one step, across the sidewalk, strip of lawn with occasional small pinecones in it, over the curb to the asphalt street and around my car ) without looking down at the ground, in a flowing motion, just naturally using my peripheral vision. I usually make a quick scan of the lawn bit to ensure I don't step on one of those little pinecones, though - a smart thing to do. 

I tend to walk straight up, shoulders back and rear tucked under more naturally and without having to concentrate on it, as my muscles and tendons get used to being stretched that way for the first time in my life (After correcting the hip dysplasia with the hip replacements). 

I can roll on my side - GENTLY - and turn my upper body in the opposite direction of my bent legs to gently pop my lower back if it is stiff - I could do this easily, years ago before everything stiffened up. it's a move done by good chiropractors, and here was a long time when my love back just wasn't participating in that release. Now is it again - and it feels amazing. 

Often when  i get up from sitting for more than half an hour ( like from my desk at work), if I stop, lift my knees up 5 or 6 times each, then gently kick my foot up toward my rear 5 or 6 times, it stretches everything and makes thoese first steps infinitely more comfortable to walk. Otherwise, it can take 20 paces or so or it to loosen up and not hurt enough to limp. 

Otherwise, if I am a little bit warmed up, I can walk with no limp at all most of the time. I enter the stage, walk across and around it, up a few stairs and back down, and it's all smooth as silk. It feels just like a little miracle. 

It is a little weird that, for this show when all of my friends are seeing me walk for the first time since surgeries on stage, they all tell me, "I was scared to see you head for those stairs, but you just popped right up and down them!!!" It's only two stairs, but there it is. 

This is when they actually understand that a hip replacement is actually a FIX. 

No matter how much I share my successes with them, they don't quite understand how well-repaired I actually am! Conversely, there is that odd thing where they think I am 100 percent better and capable of everything all the time now (see above, re: disabled parking spots). 

I still have a little way to go - and in fact, sometimes I have to remind myself of that. 

But all in all., ^ that's all some pretty cool stuff! :)

5/8/2014 Paying it Forward

A really cool thing happened yesterday which I forgot to mention.
I was at my eye doctor's office. It always takes a huge amount of effort to get my prescription right, because my eyes are another one of my "special" genetic issues. They are profoundly near-sighted. More than most... so it's tricky finding a contact lens prescription that will cover the whole spectrum, and - true to my body's "special" nature - I don't ever adjust to two different lenses that way other people do.
Blah blah blah... the point here is not my eyes - it's what happened at the office, unrelated to my eyes!

My optometrist's wife Melanie, who also works there, had to undergo surgery on her heel about 5-6 weeks ago . Apparently it was quite a big operation, and she had to get around the office on a knee scooter - it's a little 4-wheeled cart that you kneel on with your bad leg and push around with the other. It was hard for her to use, and she also went back to work too early. She was in pain and exhausted. When I went in yesterday, she had gone back on medical leave, and was just newly back, using forearm crutches. She was near tears - unable to carry anything or hold anything in her hands, just really frustrated and still exhausted. I asked her how she was dealing with the crutches, and were they better than the knee scooter? She said, "I hate them. I'm going to get a walker as soon as I can."

Hmmm... just so happens, the "Cadillac" wheeled walker I borrowed which got me around for six months while I was so incapacitated, before and after my first hip replacement, was still in the back of my little Rav4!! I said, "SO - I have a good one in the back of my car. Would you like to come look at it and see if you want to borrow it for as long as you need it?"
Her face lit up like I've never seen her smile before! We walked straight out to my car, I pulled it out and showed her how the locks work, and she gave me a big tearful hug, tucked the crutches under her arm, and she was OFF! Immediately happier!
Now she can get around, stop and do whatever she needs with her hands, she has a basket, she can sit for a moment if she needs to - I am absolutely over-the-moon!

Being able to pay forward even a second of the kindness that was showered upon me in my whole surgery time (And in fact pay it back to her, directly - she once drove by my home and left my new contact lenses on my porch for me since I was unable to get in to the office) just makes my heart all kinds of joyful! The smile on her face was one of the best things I've seen in a long time, and I know where I've seen that smile before... I've seen it in my own mirror.

I spoke to her today re: my lenses, and asked how she was doing with the walker. I could hear her smile over the phone as she told me, "It's perfect! I love it!" Happy days!
When I popped in my new lens, she was still grinning ear to ear. 


Later, I stopped by the grocery store, and twice ran into friends whom I really cherish and adore - big hugs from my pals Zack and Dean! It was a really good day! 

5/7/2014 A Simple Day, Little Medical Junk

A simple day... Work, home...

I DID get 15 minutes in on the exercycle - finally! 

Caught one of the episodes of Call the Midwife I'd missed! 

Unfortunately, though I got to bed earlier than usual - or, rather, less late... 

this bloody Shin Divot awoke me at 4;30, feeling distinctly as though someone were burning me in the shin with a lit cigar, repeatedly. 

The reading I've done tells me that it can take from 2 weeks to six months to heal... or NEVER. WTF?! I think - I HOPE - that this applies mostly to larger wounds. Mine is a litle smaller than a dime... the photos I saw were large sections of calves and ankles. 

It can also be dealt with surgically. For which I haven't a penny to pay. 

Frustrating. BUT - I'll just keep caring for it as best I can. Next Monday is my next appointment with the surgical PA. I hope I can see the other vascular surgeonto look at it... I don't want to see Dr, Park again. He was brusque, dismissive, and n far too much of a hurry- barked out orders for bone scan and antibiotic, and when I asked questions, was essentially non-responsive. First medical professional with Sutter who hasn't been great. So - I'll try the other one, hoping she is not in surgery again. 

Off to put a hot compress on my eyes (Saw the eye doc today - my eyes are OK, but there's a potential issue that can be dealt with using a hot compress for 5 minutes. 

This feel ridiculous. I plan, VERY SOON, to have long long stretches of life where I don't have to take something, smear something on, wrap or salve or ice or heat something on my body. This is crazy!!  I am very healthy, in spite of all these shenanigans!! 

OK - that's me, off.