Hallowe'en.
I LIKE it - it's FUN!
But a couple of things..
At work, because I do theatre, they expect me to dress up, and be very clever about it. I used to - there were some memorable ones... it's in the details, and since I am a costumer and a props master in addition to acting, directing, etc., I tend to have resources.
But. It can be a bit of a "busman's holiday" (the bus driver doesn't take the bus to go on vacation.)
Actors - we dress up and put on makeup and use props all the time. So, especially, if you are in the middle of a production, the idea of dressing up yet again can lose a little of its luster. It can also feel like a bit of a chore. And there's everyone at work, telling you "You HAVE to dress up! "
SO this year, it feels very odd not to. I just don't have the strength or energy. I have things I could use in my storage area but it's been a fraught year, and there are quite a few things in path of my access to materials. Physically, I just can't deal with it.
I could just dress in SOMETHING to participate... but when you're getting around on a walker, no matter how fancy, it spoils the look.
I could even have built something clever around the walker (A chariot came to mind - briefly) - but again, that entails getting to the stuff needed in my craft storage - or getting out and buying things...
And then there is the costume parade, and then the potluck lunch ( also a thrill for a gluten-free person - I don't need to risk a gluten-bomb right now. )
I just don't have the spoons.
SO I'll keep my head down, and deflect the "Why didn't you dress up?!??" questions, avoid the candy (sugar makes me feel like hell) and the kind offers to fix me a plate. I'll have a good lunch at my desk and let Hallowe'en go by, and watch the other costumers parade by this year.
Not a pity-party - just a safe move.
Next year, we'll see about Hallowe'en.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
October 30 ... the fine art of Patience...
Here's another rambling post - I have points to make, but catching up... and so many things moving through my head. Try to follow... There are some good points in here, I think.
Having had very little sleep this week ( I took a sick day yesterday, as I had a total of zero hours' sleep the night before) and over-done on the weekend, I am moving more slowly and painfully.
This is entirely due to the "Bad" right leg - I must think of a shorthand for the leg which hasn't had surgery yet...
Who would think that two consecutive nights of dinner and the theatre - with a walker - would be "over doing it"?
It's a meal. And sitting - watching other people onstage.
But it's also getting TO the restaurant, sitting on a chair that is unlikely to be comfortable to a crumbled hip (most are not), getting back in the car, off to the theatre... both times, even with disabled parking, at least a quarter mile from parking to the theatre and back again...
There's sitting for approximately an hour at a time with no chance to stand and stretch what needs stretching...
And I'll confess, as the second production I saw was a splendid production of HairSpray, the musical, I was up on my feet at curtain call and "dancing" - as much as one great hip and one immobile hip can manage to dance.
Then, a visit backstage with actors...
All of these things cost "Spoons"(See previous post). And then, the following days, there is pain, and a lot of it at night, hence no sleep. None of this is good for healing from one hip replacement, or preparing for another.
I had a good ol' meltdown in the kitchen last night. Too hungry (Slept all day to catch up, didn't get up to eat - unusual for me)... dropping things, cooking from sitting position, dripped hot olive oil on my hand while CAREFULLY (!) removing the sweet potato fries from the oven... I don't have the meltdowns as often as I used to pre-surgery, which was daily... but they are still no fun. Food and a few kind words from friends talked me down. I highly recommend that - patient friends. :)
I choose not to resort to Norco before surgery if I can possibly avoid it. I dislike the stuff - makes me woozy, dizzy, and the dreaded constipation, which I will avoid at just about any costs.
But there's the sleep issue, SO I got an over the counter sleep remedy. took half dose last night. maybe a bit better.
Hence - my mantra of "Patience, patience, patience" -
It's just shy of 5 weeks until surgery. It's been DRAGGING along - then I made a To Do list.
Nothing like a good To Do list to get time to speed up!
It is nowhere near the list I had before the first surgery... home prep is essentially set -
the accoutrements - the shower chair, hand-held shower head, canes, walkers (One for the apartment and one for the car, as I can't get one up and down stairs), grabbers, toilet lift handle/rails... etc.
but there are groceries to buy, tests to have, I need to get my sister dialed in to the whole process, as she'll be here for this one... Laundry to do...
A memorial celebration for my best friend to plan.
So many people to ask for help. I don't know if they are getting inured to my requests (most likely is that they are usy in their lives, and that is only fair!)... but frankly, I just don't know how else to do this. I try to spread out the requests, because I don't want to take advantage of anyone's good and generous nature. It's a balance. I must keep reminding myself that I would want to help any one of them if they needed it.
I simply can't do a lot of things just yet.
I need to be sure that I do everything correctly again - I worked so hard for the first surgery to make certain that there were no problems - nothing that would prevent my surgery from moving forward. I am much more relaxed and downright looking forward to it this time, but I must not become complacent. Taking care of myself is vital. I am - but I must remember that even if I feel crappy, I need to continue do my physical therapy. Just now the right leg is dragging down the left, as it not only has to heal and get well, but it simultaneously has to hold everything up and be the workhorse as the right one continues to deteriorate, as much as I am careful and mindful.
I must renew meditation, too...
But sometimes I just want to sit down and think nothing and do nothing.
I have exciting plans this weekend which include a visit from a very dear friend, Nan, whom I seldom see (She lives three hours away), and driving to Sonoma to see our favorite Portuguese Fado singer, Mariza - a long trip. Fingers crossed to keep it easy - thank goodness dear Nan has volunteered to drive. I think I need to give my right/gas pedal leg a rest.
After that, just a few small outings, then Thanksgiving, and I hope to keep a pretty low profile otherwise.
I am so excited to be better, that I keep costing myself too much. This is a really important thing to watch for - and this is me really trying hard NOT to over-do. Ui.
Not long now... plenty to do, but - Patience patience patience!!
Having had very little sleep this week ( I took a sick day yesterday, as I had a total of zero hours' sleep the night before) and over-done on the weekend, I am moving more slowly and painfully.
This is entirely due to the "Bad" right leg - I must think of a shorthand for the leg which hasn't had surgery yet...
Who would think that two consecutive nights of dinner and the theatre - with a walker - would be "over doing it"?
It's a meal. And sitting - watching other people onstage.
But it's also getting TO the restaurant, sitting on a chair that is unlikely to be comfortable to a crumbled hip (most are not), getting back in the car, off to the theatre... both times, even with disabled parking, at least a quarter mile from parking to the theatre and back again...
There's sitting for approximately an hour at a time with no chance to stand and stretch what needs stretching...
And I'll confess, as the second production I saw was a splendid production of HairSpray, the musical, I was up on my feet at curtain call and "dancing" - as much as one great hip and one immobile hip can manage to dance.
Then, a visit backstage with actors...
All of these things cost "Spoons"(See previous post). And then, the following days, there is pain, and a lot of it at night, hence no sleep. None of this is good for healing from one hip replacement, or preparing for another.
I had a good ol' meltdown in the kitchen last night. Too hungry (Slept all day to catch up, didn't get up to eat - unusual for me)... dropping things, cooking from sitting position, dripped hot olive oil on my hand while CAREFULLY (!) removing the sweet potato fries from the oven... I don't have the meltdowns as often as I used to pre-surgery, which was daily... but they are still no fun. Food and a few kind words from friends talked me down. I highly recommend that - patient friends. :)
I choose not to resort to Norco before surgery if I can possibly avoid it. I dislike the stuff - makes me woozy, dizzy, and the dreaded constipation, which I will avoid at just about any costs.
But there's the sleep issue, SO I got an over the counter sleep remedy. took half dose last night. maybe a bit better.
 |
| Patience |
It's just shy of 5 weeks until surgery. It's been DRAGGING along - then I made a To Do list.
Nothing like a good To Do list to get time to speed up!
It is nowhere near the list I had before the first surgery... home prep is essentially set -
the accoutrements - the shower chair, hand-held shower head, canes, walkers (One for the apartment and one for the car, as I can't get one up and down stairs), grabbers, toilet lift handle/rails... etc.
but there are groceries to buy, tests to have, I need to get my sister dialed in to the whole process, as she'll be here for this one... Laundry to do...
A memorial celebration for my best friend to plan.
So many people to ask for help. I don't know if they are getting inured to my requests (most likely is that they are usy in their lives, and that is only fair!)... but frankly, I just don't know how else to do this. I try to spread out the requests, because I don't want to take advantage of anyone's good and generous nature. It's a balance. I must keep reminding myself that I would want to help any one of them if they needed it.
I simply can't do a lot of things just yet.
I need to be sure that I do everything correctly again - I worked so hard for the first surgery to make certain that there were no problems - nothing that would prevent my surgery from moving forward. I am much more relaxed and downright looking forward to it this time, but I must not become complacent. Taking care of myself is vital. I am - but I must remember that even if I feel crappy, I need to continue do my physical therapy. Just now the right leg is dragging down the left, as it not only has to heal and get well, but it simultaneously has to hold everything up and be the workhorse as the right one continues to deteriorate, as much as I am careful and mindful.
I must renew meditation, too...
But sometimes I just want to sit down and think nothing and do nothing.
I have exciting plans this weekend which include a visit from a very dear friend, Nan, whom I seldom see (She lives three hours away), and driving to Sonoma to see our favorite Portuguese Fado singer, Mariza - a long trip. Fingers crossed to keep it easy - thank goodness dear Nan has volunteered to drive. I think I need to give my right/gas pedal leg a rest.
After that, just a few small outings, then Thanksgiving, and I hope to keep a pretty low profile otherwise.
I am so excited to be better, that I keep costing myself too much. This is a really important thing to watch for - and this is me really trying hard NOT to over-do. Ui.
Not long now... plenty to do, but - Patience patience patience!!
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Today - 10-27-2013 and the story of the Spoons...
Today, I awoke late after a very very long night of little sleep.
A good breakfast of poached eggs, sausages, fruit and toast with pumpkin butter was made - by me - with minimal fuss (a tiny broiler burn on my knuckle - nothing of note).
A slow morning, and then to a friend's to help plan his wife's memorial (My best friend Deborah) . He gave me the ring I had given her many years ago after a trip to Scotland, Charles Rennie Mackintosh designs - I bought us each one. I will wear it with mine, now.
The over-done weekend took a little toll - probably why my right knee was too painful to let me sleep.
But I passed on a party I meant to go to, due to fatigue and the thought of their 8 steps up to the door without a rail (Old Victorian house), I knew people could help me get the walker and myself up, but it just - made me decide to go home. A good nap was had an a good dinner.
Conversations with good friends via Facebook and telephone were helpful.
Friends are everything in this situation. Loneliness is an unnecessary malady these days, and I'm grateful for that. Social media's positives far outweigh the negatives in my book.
Learning that I don't yet get to stay up as late as I like, and that sometimes even getting to bed means I won't sleep... so that pacing myself is still very important.
My late friend battled brain tumors for over twenty years. At first, non-cancerous, recurring meningioma. Three barin surgeries, two intense radiations, and one short and terrible round of chemo (as well as two broken hips, herself, as her medications created brittle bones). The last two tumors proved cancerous, and she lost that battle after over a year in home hospice care.
One of the things she learned in the process of surviving as long as she did was from a writer, Christine Miserandino, on her website "But You Don't Look Sick", to describe the fatiguing effect Lupus had on her. It's become known as the Spoon Theory
The metaphor was this: Think of your days as a set of spoons. You start each day with a certain amount of spoons. They contain your energy, stamina, and strength. The idea is to reach the end of each day with a little in reserve. So, each decision through out the day involves deciding how many spoons the activity will cost you.
"Do I drive to the market? Go to coffee with a friend? See a play? Go to the bank? Stop on the way home from work to buy those items at the hardware store (If I can get the walker through the aisles)?"
Sometimes the answer is, yes - I can afford the spoons to go to the bank and pick up a few items that will fit in my backpack, so I can get them up the stairs - or a few more items and call a friend or neighbor for help getting them up from the car to my second floor apartment.
Some days - I must just get home, and only make the one trip down and then back up the stairs.
If you use all of your spoons, this is when the nights are liable to be more sleepless and emotional meltdowns come. I am grateful to Deb that she shared the Spoon Theory with me, both so that I could understand what her life was like day-to-day, and to follow in her footsteps and understand my own process now.
The other BIG - ENORMOUS lesson is asking for help when one needs it.
It can be hard to ask - and remember that the people who have volunteered their help have done so sincerely and because they love you. You would gladly do the same for them. This is the key.
The tricky part is when you are in need, and no one at the moment, through no other reason than their busy lives. The stinky trash stays on the house, or the fur of your inordinately long-haired cats builds up on the carpet and every item you own (trying to get a decent work outfit together and NOT have it covered with cat hair is a challenge)...
You just have to have patience... and use the resources which have been offered to you. Call the three friends in your neighborhood... or knock on your kind next-door neighbor's door or send them a text.
One of them will come to your rescue.
And when you are ambulatory again, or stabilized to be as able as possible, perhaps you can pay it forward, in one way or another.
But no one ever offers help expecting you to pay it back. Pay it forward, and when you can.
Ask for and receive help for as long as you need. it will get your task accomplished, and it will make your friend feel good that they were actually able to help you! I promise!
These are a few of the many most-valuable legacies my beloved sister of the heart left me, and so many who loved her.
A good breakfast of poached eggs, sausages, fruit and toast with pumpkin butter was made - by me - with minimal fuss (a tiny broiler burn on my knuckle - nothing of note).
 |
| My ring on the left hand, Deborah's on the right. |
The over-done weekend took a little toll - probably why my right knee was too painful to let me sleep.
But I passed on a party I meant to go to, due to fatigue and the thought of their 8 steps up to the door without a rail (Old Victorian house), I knew people could help me get the walker and myself up, but it just - made me decide to go home. A good nap was had an a good dinner.
Conversations with good friends via Facebook and telephone were helpful.
Friends are everything in this situation. Loneliness is an unnecessary malady these days, and I'm grateful for that. Social media's positives far outweigh the negatives in my book.
Learning that I don't yet get to stay up as late as I like, and that sometimes even getting to bed means I won't sleep... so that pacing myself is still very important.
My late friend battled brain tumors for over twenty years. At first, non-cancerous, recurring meningioma. Three barin surgeries, two intense radiations, and one short and terrible round of chemo (as well as two broken hips, herself, as her medications created brittle bones). The last two tumors proved cancerous, and she lost that battle after over a year in home hospice care.
One of the things she learned in the process of surviving as long as she did was from a writer, Christine Miserandino, on her website "But You Don't Look Sick", to describe the fatiguing effect Lupus had on her. It's become known as the Spoon Theory
"Do I drive to the market? Go to coffee with a friend? See a play? Go to the bank? Stop on the way home from work to buy those items at the hardware store (If I can get the walker through the aisles)?"
Sometimes the answer is, yes - I can afford the spoons to go to the bank and pick up a few items that will fit in my backpack, so I can get them up the stairs - or a few more items and call a friend or neighbor for help getting them up from the car to my second floor apartment.
Some days - I must just get home, and only make the one trip down and then back up the stairs.
If you use all of your spoons, this is when the nights are liable to be more sleepless and emotional meltdowns come. I am grateful to Deb that she shared the Spoon Theory with me, both so that I could understand what her life was like day-to-day, and to follow in her footsteps and understand my own process now.
The other BIG - ENORMOUS lesson is asking for help when one needs it.
It can be hard to ask - and remember that the people who have volunteered their help have done so sincerely and because they love you. You would gladly do the same for them. This is the key.
The tricky part is when you are in need, and no one at the moment, through no other reason than their busy lives. The stinky trash stays on the house, or the fur of your inordinately long-haired cats builds up on the carpet and every item you own (trying to get a decent work outfit together and NOT have it covered with cat hair is a challenge)...
You just have to have patience... and use the resources which have been offered to you. Call the three friends in your neighborhood... or knock on your kind next-door neighbor's door or send them a text.
One of them will come to your rescue.
And when you are ambulatory again, or stabilized to be as able as possible, perhaps you can pay it forward, in one way or another.
But no one ever offers help expecting you to pay it back. Pay it forward, and when you can.
Ask for and receive help for as long as you need. it will get your task accomplished, and it will make your friend feel good that they were actually able to help you! I promise!
These are a few of the many most-valuable legacies my beloved sister of the heart left me, and so many who loved her.
Insomia of one kind and another - and a little Too Much Information - 10-27-2013
It is 4:04 am as I begin to write this. I am unable to sleep. It's pretty miserable.
This has been a low- sleep week. I know full well that post-surgery, the body needs sleep most of all in order to heal.
And yet.
I find that, as I am getting further out from the surgery, and feeling better, I revert back to some of my old habits.
I have always been a late- night person, never a morning person. Being practitioner of theatre probably has a lot to do with this. I like the night - I thrive in it.
But right now, I need to be sleeping properly. Three late nights have been because I chose to do something that kept me awake.
But some have not, and knee pain ( this is residual/radiant pain caused by my still-decrepit right hip. It makes the knee really hurt -even more than the hip often, and at night, it can really throb, even with a pillow crammed under it to keep it supported and bent.
Tonight it was both.
Two nights in a row I have gone out to dinner and the theatre with friends. If I can't be ON stage, at least I can go and see some of the excellent theatre produced in town, most often with some of my friends in it.
I have over-done it this weekend. Friday night we even went out for a late snack after see Pride and Prejudice at Sacramento Theatre Company. It was great fun, but I was truly exhausted from lack of sleep and work, then a recording session, then going to the Natural Foods Co-op to restock my kitchen. I can use the electric cart, and they bring it to my car, even - but it is still taxing with the right hip still in distress pre-surgery #2. (It is important that you understand that this is not typical of someone getting only one surgery - I am in the middle of the two, as well as having worst-case hip damage - this is my experience).
Then, dinner and the show...
The dear friends I was out, Melanie and Gary, with were kind and helped me carry my groceries up the stairs - I still had to use the cane between the car and the apartment, including going up 1 flight of stairs, and carrying bags of groceries is still beyond my ability. The help was greatly appreciated.
I fell into bed when I got home, and slept immediately. Up a couple of times, but slept mostly until 11:30 am. Still got up groggy.
Then Last night (Saturday) we saw friends in a lovely production of Hairspray, and then I watched Saturday Night Live when I got home. AND Iron Chef. Because I can, being a Saturday night, I guess??? I figured, I'd be nice and sleepy, yet I was wrong.
My right hip/knee has just had too much activity. It is frustrating, as I am excited to have my life back, but I really have to be cognizant of what I choose to do and not do. Choose to see Hair Spray, but NOT "dance"(as much as I can dance at the moment) at the finale, which would be hard to do!
I will have to keep part of my life a bit at bay until the total process is handled- two new hips, off the walker, and recovered enough to keep my energy and strength up.
Patience ... Patience... Patience!!
Until this week, I have turned down several social events, knowing I need to pace myself, but this weekend was too full. Tomorrow I have a planning meeting for a memorial celebration, and then there is a party on my calendar. It's 2 blocks away, and early afternoon, - but there are stairs up to their house - and no rail. And I can't get my walker up them. I can have a friend there help me up - but I think it is probably better if I pass. I hate it because it will be people I really love, and I want to be in their company.
Tonight - I have been trying to sleep for several hours. My right knee just kept hurting, no matter how I positioned it. I crave sleeping on my stomach, but my knee and right hip right won't allow it without a lot of pain.
Then there's the bum issue.
This is the TMI bit - I figure if I'm writing about this Hip Surgery experience, I need to be honest.
It's 95% incredible, about 5% crummy, and the crummy is temporary and WELL worth it.
After surgery, the Norco and its constipating properties, which also caused hemorrhoids, and a red, terrible painful rash akin to diaper rash without the diapers. Here it is, more than 2 months post- surgery, and though the constipation was dealt with (severe measures had to be taken, to avoid a serious blockage), the rash remained and still occasionally flares up. It is hideously frustrating, bring a horrid itch and burning with it. I apply creams and bathe it and all of that, but sometimes it, too keeps me terribly, twitchily awake.
For my next surgery December 3, I will be employing Metamucil several times a day after surgery. I will also have half as strong a dose of Norco, and try get off of it sooner that the week I took it for the first surgery. And believe me, the pain is SO much less post-op that I will not be under-medicating myself. If I need more to stay below a 4 or so on the pain scale, I will use it, but it is that good that I shouldn't need it.
And so here I sit writing, in hopes I'll reach the "Too sleepy to type any more " stage - catching up and reminding myself NOT to over do it this week (Keep some of those open evenings open!), and to do my best to get some sleep. Here's hoping!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Today - October 23, 2013 General Progress, Three Weeks Back to Work
I don't know how personal I plan to get as this progresses- I tend to share pretty freely, so we'll see how this pans out. My posts will also get shorter as I go - I am filling in a bit as I go.
So - today, October 23, 2013
This morning I did my physical therapy exercises, and at work I did my toe lifts. Certain exercises are still hard for me to do, as the right leg isn't ready for them yet. Bridges are one of those.All in due time - I get stronger every day.
I have minimal pain in the Left/new hip - good news!
Having been assured last week by my surgeon that, though I should watch for pain in the inner thigh,
the very low-level pain (I'd call it a 2-3 out of 10) I have presently is very, very normal. We did new x-rays, and all is exactly as the day of surgery - a great relief, and a much-appreciated conversation with Dr. Smith.
In this healing process, the words "Medical Care" are not hollow. My doctors and nurses and physical therapists actually *care*. I didn't believe that was still possible -I have witness so much bad medical practice in the care of family, friends, and myself before.
But back to today. For some reason, I have been VERY tired today, and had a couple of dizzy moments. I think they are tied to my blood pressure medicine. When I stretch hard (which I am inclined to do a lot these days, with the muscles and joints all changing as I become a bit more active each day), I tend to get that "head rush" - I really got a hard one today. it was a little scary. I just leaned on my desk and let it pass. BP medication does that to me, apparently.
Chronic pain has tended to raise my blood pressure over the years - it is the lowest level of "high" - but they will not do surgery with *any* high BP, and so I am on medication.
After the second surgery, as I am able to actually walk again, and regain mobility and some fitness, I am very confident that my BP will normalize and I can ditch the medication.Under Doctor's supervision, absolutely. But ditch it, I will.
I am stunningly healthy aside from the hips/dysplasia/subsequent osteoarthritis.
I am overweight - but - I am a *healthy* fat girl. We exist!
All of my blood work is stellar, my EKG, etc - all right in the normal ranges. I heal very, very fast - YAY! Particularly fortuitous, considering that I have Celiac disease, which is an autoimmune condition. But as long as I eat completely gluten-free, my immune systems is pretty strong, happily!
But today my right hip REALLY hurt a lot. I stuck it out until 5:30 and made my way home, skipping a trip to the Co-op to get some produce, breakfast items and a few other provisions.
I have lovely co-workers who are generous about helping get my coffee and water in the morning at work, if I am not up to it, or heating up my lunch, etc. Our receptionist comes out to me in my car every morning, gets my walker out of the back and helps me in. I can do it, but especially in the morning when the Tylenol has not yet quite kicked in, and I am still waking up (I am NOT any kind of a morning person), I am grateful for the help, and a cheerful greeting to start the day. (There are angels everywhere of many kinds, I've found. )
Post-surgery, I have been much more able a bit at a time, but it is such a relief to know that people are willing to help.
I can't yet get around very well in a large supermarket - the right leg is just too weak and painful yet (the motorized carts take a lot of physical effort to get to, except at my local Natural Foods Co-op, where they will bring it to your car for you) but I still need some help getting groceries. Getting them up the stairs home is also a big challenge. I have very kind neighbors who are always willing to help, but I do try to spread the requests around a bit, so as not to overtax anyone's generosity.
I so look forward to the days when I can get my own groceries up the stairs without having to grip the rails. It is a matter of a few short months!!!
It's getting a bit late, and that may be one of my problems. I REALLY need to try to get to bed earlier - always this has been a real issue for me. Sleep is the best healer, after all.
I count the days until December 3, my second surgery - but I do it so often, it feels like a slow journey!
I'm getting out more these days, to dinner or coffee here, the theatre or a poetry reading there... pacing myself. There's always the "Where will the walker fit?" question, and how long I will need to be sitting - my bum is a tender, tender thing.
Tomorrow, I have two massages with my wonderful massage therapist, Curt - a chair massage at work (He comes every two weeks and you get a lovely 15-minute chair massage for $12) and then I have a full appointment at his office in the afternoon. I can credit his work as being a part of why I was able to remain upright long past the usual with the hips I was moving around on.
This photo is my surgery scar as of today. It is in the front ("anterior") of the thigh, starting at the hip-bend crease and is about 6" long. I am amazed that it is this much healed - two months after the surgery! There is a good deal of numbness around it, and it should improve - but if it doesn't, I am more than happy to make the trade - a numb spot on my thigh for the ability to walk? Yep - sounds like a great deal to me! I started putting coconut oil with a little cocoa butter and vitamin E on it when my surgeon approved it. He does beautiful work.
So - today, October 23, 2013
This morning I did my physical therapy exercises, and at work I did my toe lifts. Certain exercises are still hard for me to do, as the right leg isn't ready for them yet. Bridges are one of those.All in due time - I get stronger every day.
I have minimal pain in the Left/new hip - good news!
Having been assured last week by my surgeon that, though I should watch for pain in the inner thigh,
the very low-level pain (I'd call it a 2-3 out of 10) I have presently is very, very normal. We did new x-rays, and all is exactly as the day of surgery - a great relief, and a much-appreciated conversation with Dr. Smith.
In this healing process, the words "Medical Care" are not hollow. My doctors and nurses and physical therapists actually *care*. I didn't believe that was still possible -I have witness so much bad medical practice in the care of family, friends, and myself before.
But back to today. For some reason, I have been VERY tired today, and had a couple of dizzy moments. I think they are tied to my blood pressure medicine. When I stretch hard (which I am inclined to do a lot these days, with the muscles and joints all changing as I become a bit more active each day), I tend to get that "head rush" - I really got a hard one today. it was a little scary. I just leaned on my desk and let it pass. BP medication does that to me, apparently.
Chronic pain has tended to raise my blood pressure over the years - it is the lowest level of "high" - but they will not do surgery with *any* high BP, and so I am on medication.
After the second surgery, as I am able to actually walk again, and regain mobility and some fitness, I am very confident that my BP will normalize and I can ditch the medication.Under Doctor's supervision, absolutely. But ditch it, I will.
I am stunningly healthy aside from the hips/dysplasia/subsequent osteoarthritis.
I am overweight - but - I am a *healthy* fat girl. We exist!
All of my blood work is stellar, my EKG, etc - all right in the normal ranges. I heal very, very fast - YAY! Particularly fortuitous, considering that I have Celiac disease, which is an autoimmune condition. But as long as I eat completely gluten-free, my immune systems is pretty strong, happily!
But today my right hip REALLY hurt a lot. I stuck it out until 5:30 and made my way home, skipping a trip to the Co-op to get some produce, breakfast items and a few other provisions.
I have lovely co-workers who are generous about helping get my coffee and water in the morning at work, if I am not up to it, or heating up my lunch, etc. Our receptionist comes out to me in my car every morning, gets my walker out of the back and helps me in. I can do it, but especially in the morning when the Tylenol has not yet quite kicked in, and I am still waking up (I am NOT any kind of a morning person), I am grateful for the help, and a cheerful greeting to start the day. (There are angels everywhere of many kinds, I've found. )
Post-surgery, I have been much more able a bit at a time, but it is such a relief to know that people are willing to help.
I can't yet get around very well in a large supermarket - the right leg is just too weak and painful yet (the motorized carts take a lot of physical effort to get to, except at my local Natural Foods Co-op, where they will bring it to your car for you) but I still need some help getting groceries. Getting them up the stairs home is also a big challenge. I have very kind neighbors who are always willing to help, but I do try to spread the requests around a bit, so as not to overtax anyone's generosity.
I so look forward to the days when I can get my own groceries up the stairs without having to grip the rails. It is a matter of a few short months!!!
It's getting a bit late, and that may be one of my problems. I REALLY need to try to get to bed earlier - always this has been a real issue for me. Sleep is the best healer, after all.
I count the days until December 3, my second surgery - but I do it so often, it feels like a slow journey!
I'm getting out more these days, to dinner or coffee here, the theatre or a poetry reading there... pacing myself. There's always the "Where will the walker fit?" question, and how long I will need to be sitting - my bum is a tender, tender thing.
Tomorrow, I have two massages with my wonderful massage therapist, Curt - a chair massage at work (He comes every two weeks and you get a lovely 15-minute chair massage for $12) and then I have a full appointment at his office in the afternoon. I can credit his work as being a part of why I was able to remain upright long past the usual with the hips I was moving around on.
This photo is my surgery scar as of today. It is in the front ("anterior") of the thigh, starting at the hip-bend crease and is about 6" long. I am amazed that it is this much healed - two months after the surgery! There is a good deal of numbness around it, and it should improve - but if it doesn't, I am more than happy to make the trade - a numb spot on my thigh for the ability to walk? Yep - sounds like a great deal to me! I started putting coconut oil with a little cocoa butter and vitamin E on it when my surgeon approved it. He does beautiful work.
Hips - a Chaotic Introduction - a *Start*, Anyway! Welcome.
This is the first post - I needed to finally get going with this as a journal - every day - the subtle
and not-so-subtle differences.
Quick catch-up (HA!) on where this all started. ( I intend to fill in a LOT of back story in this post later on. so much to write. Calendars to check, events and days and visits to remember, photos to study - I have kept somewhat of a photo journal throughout). I have written so much in the form of Facebook statuses, IM posts, personal emails - even some poems. All need to be compiled into a Story.
But, in a fat nutshell for now:
I was born with congenital hip dysplasia. I had no obvious symptoms until I was almost 50. I am round-shaped, and have always walked with my rear a tad pushed out - choreographers would try and try to get me to tuck my butt in - never could quite do it. I just thought that was how I was built. Well, it WAS. But it wasn't "normal". Who knew? I started having hip pain in about 2005. It was mis-diagnosed as soft tissue damage. Over the following years, it got slowly, steadily worse.
I was doing a professional musical, a world premiere of "A Little Princess" at Sacramento Theatre Company last spring, when my hips just crumbled out from under me, after having been compensating and faking it for a long time, just trying to stay vertical.
First hip surgery was August 20, 2013. Before this, I had NO faith in the Western Medical system. I had witnessed near-atrocities in the medical "care" of my mother, my friends Christian and Deborah and Charlotte and others - and on a smaller scale, for myself - crappy help from doctors.
I was convinced there was no such thing as good medical care any more.
I was in desperate pain, had lost almost all ability to walk, hence, my life ( I have a day job at a desk as a web admin., but I'm also a theatre practitioner - acting, singing, a little dancing, directing, designing, making props, costumes, creating programs/playbills, whatever job needs filling. I was unable to do anything - my day job of sitting making web pages was even excruciating.
I was stressed, afraid, freaked out. My best friend Deborah(see above) was also dying of brain cancer after fighting brain tumors for 20 years.
Have I mentioned that 2013 was a hideous, horrible year? It's still 2013, but I'm deciding the worst of it is past. Shut up.
Just so you know - I have been gently teased as being Silver Lining Girl. Always finding the bright side, wisely helping solve life's problems. By this time, all of that was pretty tarnished. Severe Chronic pain and fear will do that.
An IMPORTANT NOTE: I am not looking for pity or sympathy here. I'm sharing my story, primarily so that others might learn - something - along with me. I am learning so much about the world from a seated point of view, about strength and pain, about the way the world deals with - or doesn't deal with - people with injuries, illness or disabilities.
Maybe I can allay some fears in others.
Even More important, before I go any further - if you have hip replacement imminent - you can stop being afraid!! I was terrified, as you'll read - but you'll also learn what I learned, that it is amazing, and will give back your life. And it will help you to stop being afraid, and start being excited!
First, after looking hard for a very desperate week or two, I found a Good Primary Care physician, with the medical group my insurance randomly assigned to me - Sutter Health. I have never had a luckier chance.
I got Dr. Norene. He treats a lot of the staff and casts of the local professional musical theatre company! Bingo - a match for me! He *gets* my people.
And after the X-rays revealed that I had almost no hip joints left, he referred me to the most incredible orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Scott Smith - and thank the heavens that he specializes in Anterior Hip Replacement. Also very important - Remember "Anterior Hip Replacement" (as opposed to the older Posterior approach. Which works... but - the anterior version is the way to go if you possibly can. You will learn a LOT more about that as you read - but push for it, and if you have to wait a little longer because of availability, my suggestion would be to wait.)
It was actually *during* the surgery that Dr, Smith realized that I had the birth defect of hip dysplasia. I never knew before that day. My socket (or Acetabulum) was not round, as normal hip sockets are - it was oblong, and pretty much flat. He had to re-sculpt it to fit the new socket cup, and added a few screws to anchor it solidly - not usually needed.
It was actually *during* the surgery that Dr, Smith realized that I had the birth defect of hip dysplasia. I never knew before that day. My socket (or Acetabulum) was not round, as normal hip sockets are - it was oblong, and pretty much flat. He had to re-sculpt it to fit the new socket cup, and added a few screws to anchor it solidly - not usually needed.
I consider this surgery a miracle of medicine and skill. It's true - you really do feel drastically better - the same day as the surgery. Really, really. You hurt, because well, you had surgery! - but the PAIN is *gone*. Your doctor will balance your pain medication so the surgery pain itself is in control... but
two days after the surgery I walked up and back down 16 steps with my physical therapist watching - it's that amazing.
two days after the surgery I walked up and back down 16 steps with my physical therapist watching - it's that amazing.
At the current moment, it has been two months (yesterday) since Surgery #1 - my left (the worst, by far) hip. Four weeks later I was OK'd by my surgeon to drive, and to go back to work on the following Monday. So - I've been back at work for almost a month.
As of yesterday, it is also six more weeks until Surgery #2 - my right hip. It has resigned its commission as the less-bad of the two - as my left hip has become stronger and more healthy, and I can stand up FULLY STRAIGHT for the first time in my life, the right one has essentially given up... it's strange to be getting stronger and more able on the left as the right deteriorates and increases in pain and disability. VERY Jekyll and Hyde. I cannot WAIT to get the second hip done and finally be able to use BOTH legs equally - to stand all the way up straight, and walk un-aided, and act, and *dance*.
After the first surgery, because I live alone, on the second floor of a walk up, and my siblings (Whom I love and understand) were unable to be here, my most amazing friends just stepped in and took care of me. They took turns caring for me, and I felt the most astounding outpouring of love from so many amazing people. I mean - I had a SPREADSHEET of who was coming over to take a shift, day and night! Because of them, I was able to avoid having to stay in a rehab hospital. They are useful, but it would essentially have been a place to stay where I could sleep and get meals because I live alone (As you are required to have company for a week, preferably two, after surgery). NOPE!!! My dear friend Mariam just stepped in and took control of the situation for me - in the very best way. I was so overwhelmed, I have no idea what I would have done without her.
If anyone ever tries to say theatre people (95% of my friends are such) are anything but the most kind and generous, they have me to answer to. And as nice as I am, and I am very, very nice, you do NOT mess with my people. People organized to bring me and my companions meals every day, and just to be sure we had everything we needed. There was so much love and healing laughter in my home! I felt joy such as I hadn't in a very, very long time!
At this point, I have begun to be a bit more mobile - I can get around - I use a walker still, due to my right leg and the inability to put weight on it. A tubular walker at home, indoors/upstairs ( That's what is required for most people after surgery), using a cane to get from the front door, down the steps and to the car. I have a more fancy, "cadillac" walker with 4 wheels, a seat and brakes, that lives in the
back hatch of my little Rav4. I take it out for work, or anywhere I go in public.
You use the tools you need to get done what you must. I am tired of my diminished life - I have a lovely life, and I want it back. And it's happening.
I am still very, very happy. It is profound.
Some days I am in more pain, or exhausted, or feeling various small after-effects which tend to come with surgery. But I am always aware that I am getting my life back!
(Get used to that if you plan to continue to read me - you'll hear it a lot).
My dear Deborah, my heart's sister, lost her battle with cancerous brain tumors two weeks and four days ago as I write. It is unfathomable that she is actually gone. It was a mercy in the end, after so much pain so many surgeries and radiations and chemo and two broken hips and 9 months of bedridden home hospice care, under the loving, watchful and fiercely loyal care of her husband Sam. But she lived and survived so many times, so fully, that it is still unreal.
And yet - as astonishing as it is, in the face of so great a loss... I still have joy.
I do. and It's OK. In fact it's more than that. Triumph is good. SO good. And she would have it no other way, either!
I have been collecting bits and pieces - writing this story in parts and parcels - Facebook posts, and IM threads and emails...
I have still to collect them and put them in chronological order and get them here... but instead of waiting, I needed to get this started and proceed forward, leaving an open post after this one, to edit and add those things in.
A bass-ackwards way to do it, certainly, but after my surgery, when I had hoped to really begin this, there was a week of pain- killers, and then so much time spent with friends and loved ones coming to buoy my spirits and help in any way they could.
So I intend to post a couple of place holders for the next couple of posts, and fill them in with more back story later. And then I'll pick up with daily, shorter journal entries.
I hope that you, the reader, find some value here - some information to comfort a fear if you have an impending hip replacement; Some insight as a person who is fortunate to be fully-ambulatory; perhaps just some entertainment?
Thank you for reading this far!! I can only try to promise that each post will not be quite so long... I just have some important catching-up to do.
Cheers!
-Martha
PS - I posted this photo and comment the morning of the surgery. I was SO ready. It took a while to get there, but I sure was!!
-Martha
PS - I posted this photo and comment the morning of the surgery. I was SO ready. It took a while to get there, but I sure was!!
 |
| And the day it felt like would never arrive is here- 4:40 am! "call' is 5:30, Surgery is 7:30 and it should be about 2.5 - 3.5 hours... but we're getting there at 5-ish, and the next post you see will be a groggy me :). But this is how I feel right now!!! Excited, and not toooo scared! Bionics, here I come! I gotta date with a certain Scott Smith, and guess what, ma? He's a surgeon! ;D Thank you all from my deepest heart for the love and support that puts this grin genuinely on my face! |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)