1/30/2014 from Antsy to Happy and Better in a day

My Facebook status this afternoon - I was tired and bored (I don't get bored at work much, but it's a funny transition time - it RAINS and then lulls - just for the moment... )

"Terribly antsy today. Patience (with myself/cranky healing muscles) is just a skoshi bit thin... At such moments I remind myself to remember where my road has taken me, then have a look FORWARD to the time when this thing or that will no longer be the "it only hurts when I..." Moments... And see where I am right now in the scale of that road. And it looks pretty freakin' good, even if I'm sick of the cane, or me knees are stoopit when I get up... Or walkin' from the car to wherever feels like the road to Bataan (ok - a little grim hyperbole there)... But in the scheme of things, better is much closer that worst.

I prolly need a nap, too... No naps just now. Psh."

GOOD things, though - last night in bed after finishing my physical therapy routine, I realized as I turned over onto my left side to get comfortable - I tucked my pillow into a comfortable configuration, settled, took a deep breath - and - almost nothing hurt. 

My shoulder - they are a little cranky from all the upper-body substitution supprt they have had to provide - was a little sore - but it as barely noticeable. Othe than that = I was comfortable - so comfortable. 

I cannot count the times I have wondered, "Will I ever be truly able to relax painlessly again??" 

It was pretty a desperate thought - nothing drastic - but it is pretty daunting to wonder if you can ever be comfortable again. It was beautiful, and I drifted off 

Today, too - I was a little stiff and sore - and I MADE myself remember to get up and MOVE AROUND at my desk, almost every hour - do some knee lifts - 10 per side - and toe lifts and heel leans backward, and good big stretches of my knees, sitting, and my hips, ,standing - and it was better - quite a lot better. 

Such a smal, smal difference of movement - less than a couple of minutes in the whole scheme of the day, but my god - it made every bit f difference in how I felt walking around!! 

MINDFULNESS. Constant attention to is, and vigilance. 

After I had written that status above is when I put my mind to it - I had just been in the loo, sat down and had a goodly surge of muscle pain around hte hip joints - that happens, and it's nothing dire - it's a wave, and it goes away... but I was SICK of it. 

I just wanted to feel no pain - the same same same things were getting to me. 

A good kind friend at work who has been through physical issues - a brain surgery to remove a tumor! - happened to be in the loo, too and I was able to just share with her that I was having a "moment". she listened beautifully, and kindly, and empathized, and cheered me. 

"Shared joy is increased, shared grief is diminished." - Spider Robinson

One of my favorite quotes. 

So after that, I made more effort, and it got better - and getting to and from rehearsal was pretty good, and I REMEMBERED to stand up and stretch and sit in a different kind of chair there... it was all a lot better. 

SO - good things. and I am always looking toward them. 

I also had a lively, really nice conversation with one of my dearest ones of all on the phone as he drove out of town. Always uplifting and energizing! 

A good night. 

I am going to go have a little snack - rehearsal always makes me hungry! I am not losing weight as quickly - BUT!!! The costumer took my measurements and I have lost an inch in each of my measurements since the last show I did there in 2012! :) Happy news indeed! 

But a snack I must have! It may have to be grilled cheese... or maybe a quesadilla. 

:) I may be poor (Hips are bloody expensive), but I am pretty happy.