4/18/2014 Strange Day - Downs and Ups and - Sidewayses?

Strange day today. 

Today is the first of my dear friend Deborah's birthdays since she died last October.  The first year of Firsts after a death is the hardest. I miss her terribly. 

Yesterday a well-known and loved member of our theatre community committed suicide. 

A large and loving community is sad, angry (a normal, common reaction to suicide), and confused. 

I've felt very low- pain most of the day... gotten round well... but this weird flu-cold thing is morhping into something weird that involves post-nasal drip and congestion - still rendering my voice nearly useless... with a week to opening night, and only four rehearsals left. Hoo boy this show is gonna need some miracles to be ready. It happens, and we have a really strong cast, but boy, howdy. My intention is to work and work and work to really get solid on the pieces I am not feeling secure on this weekend - three dys with no rehearsals (Tonight being the first), and I have a couple of poetry readings I'd like to attend tomorrow, and then I'm having lunch with my friend Mariam (she has been out of town a lot with work) after my friend's annual Spring/Easter morning celebration. 

But mostly, my VOICE, and my energy, I NEED THEM. 

Of course I stayed up inordinately late in a wonderful telephone converstion last night - but that feeds the soul. 

So wish me luck with my scratchy, squeaky-skwawky voice and  the challenging songs that always feel too fast - SO MANY WORDS... I'm a little nervous. By second weekend it should all be in the past, this stress. 

I'm going to take the summer off stage. I'm NOT LEAVING it - that would defeat some of the purpose of my surgery and life reclaiming - theatre is my life - but, I have poetry and music projects I'll be happy to work on, and they are less stressful, and will give me more time to get used to my new gear and walking and getting stronger - lots of walking!!! and maybe if i can swing it, swimming. 

I'm working hard to stretch, lift, move flex, etc., pretty much ALL the time. Getting strength is tipping over into the land of Building Stamina, now. walking for as long as I like without fatigue or pain... dancing ... that dance party is in a little over a month! 

I'm excited about that! 

Then, fall or winter time, I'm getting back to the boards. 

Oh! In rehearsal last night - working on my toughest song with the band, getting frustrated - I'm leaning on the piano, and I get REALLY frustrated when I garbled the damn lyrics AGAIN - and apparently, I jumped up and down without realizing it. :} 

Probably shouldn't be doing that - impact, you know - but it was kind of fun when the director, with a cute little smile, walked me to the door and said - "Did I just see you do a little jump?" and I realized: yes, indeed, he did!! He totally got that it was another one of those "firsts", and they happen occasionally now when I don't realize it! :) So - I jump, apparently! 

That was kind of fun!