I didn't make it to the Farmer's Market this morning - stayed up too late knitting on a beautiful pair of fingerless "writer's gloves" with lovely wool yarn brought back from Dublin by a friend last year. Glad to be creating again...
So this morning I realized at 10:30, before my shower, that I hadn't time for the Market.
But I met a dear friend for brunch, and it was tonic to see her. Se get each other... this is a very god thing.
I am finding that part of my lonely feeling has to do with my best friend Deb being gone... a somewhat delayed reaction almost a year after her death, as I am back to the mobility I had in the days we spend a lot of time together, as well as, even in the days of being very busy, needing to make time - she would give me a Christmas gift of a beautiful calendar and a page of stickers :"Time with Deb". She had the same, and we would make sure to get a date on the calendar very month, using those stickers. simple, beautiful gift.
And so, I realize that one of the elements of my boredom and lonely feeling has a lot to do with the hole she leaves in my heart.
I am deeply grateful to have many lovely friends, but in life, people pair off and group up... and my closest group has disbursed somewhat.
It is a little difficult. It is also a touch harder when you are single, as I am. I have very important male friends with whom I get to spend time as often as possible, but time and distance being what they are, sometimes, that is not often enough.
Still a bit in that arroyo of - if not self-pity, at least restlessness. So many things I would do with more money and more people to spend time with.
I am also craving cooler weather to get out of the house and walk in. I took a nap, and the light was pretty much gone when I woke up... not the smartest idea to walk alone in the dark... it i a pretty safe area, but sometimes summer gets a little crazy.
And so it goes... a three day vacation with nothing planned, and frustration.
Sorry that this isn't the happiest and most Hopeful of posts... it is something others may run into, and I am simply working on a way to re-insert myself back into the world better. I'll let you know what I figure out!!
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