The Age-related Stigma of Walkers

When I was first finally  diagnosed with  severe bilateral osteoarthritis of the hips and it was vey clear to all that the only solution left by this point was total bi-lateral hip replacement, I went into the Surgeon's office for my first surgery consult. After he looked at the x-rays and discovered how ugly they were, and was stunned that I was even moving upright (though terribly painfully) and only managing the pain with ibuprofen, he told me,
"Martha - if you can get hold of a walker, I'd really recommend it. You'll be a lot better off."

I groaned a bit, and he said, "I know - it feels like old lady equipment."

I told him, "Oh, I'm well-past that stage - I am only 55 and feel like I'm 85, but just knowing what it is and that it can be well-handled and truly repaired is great. it's just - another thing to deal with, you know? After already having added a shower bench, cane, and grippers to my daily life by necessity."

But he was right about the "old lady" thing, too. these extremely helpful assistive devices really add a stigma to your daily life. Much like a wheelchair. People see you coming from a long way off - you are by nature not able to really walk tall, but leaning in somewhat to take the weight off impossibly painful limbs. People perceive weakness, vulnerability,
Now - I'm a strong woman in most ways. Age is just numbers, usually, and it turned out that my issue was not age-related, but congenital hip dysplasia...
  I was really grateful for the tubular two-wheeled walker (which woudl be required post-surgery, anyway)given to me by a friend who was about to give her late mom's walker to Good Will, adn by the loan of a fancy four-wheeled and seated "Cadillac" walker loaned to me for work and getting around in the world outside my apartment (I use a cane between the house and car, but the walker all the time, otherwise - it fits perfectly into the back of my little Rav4).
They have made life so much more possible and drastically less painful.
The device is easy to transport, ad FAR superior to crutches, which are painful and nearly impossible to se for many of us.

There are some physical issues that come from using a cane or walker  -hands, wrists, arms and shoulders, etc. get cranky and painful. Massage helps. In my case, having the great good fortune that it is a temporary condition ( and empathize as much as I can with those for whom it is not) is what keeps me at it... my upper extremities should forgive pretty well and come back to my *real* new normal - shortly after I am released from my need for support devices

But you do get a bit of a pity-factor from people. I know it's human nature... it is the most awkward thing it the word, being faced with someone clearly disabled, and wondering whether you should offer help, or will you e insulting someone, etc.
I had many encounters like that from the other side of the coin before all this went down for me.

--For the record - the thing to do (for most people I think)  if it looks like someone could use a hand is to cheerfully, lightly ask, "Hey - can you use a hand?"
If not they/we will usually say, "No thanks, I've got it." or, ""Sure - thanks! If you can grab that door /pick up that thing I dropped/reach me that can from the top shelf etc - I'd appreciate it!"
You might get a different reaction occasionally, but I thikn I can speak somewhat clearly on teh cubject now from this side of it, and you will usually be appreciated.

-- Also for the record - things NOT to do - 

•    Do not react with Pity. We do not need or want it. I am not a "Poor thing." Yup - this sucks, but have a little sensitivity - just a little. 
•    Don't get all flustered and freak out, tryogn to help then stopping and then getting all tongue tied. Relax, We are exactly like you - just in pain and limited a bit, and with Equipment. 
•   PLEASE do not use the Disabled stall in the bathroom, unless there is no other available to you, or you NEED it physically, or because you have little kids to deal with. It is not for stretching out your legs, or just having a poo, just because it's bigger. And if you DO - please don't camp out in it. Peopel who are in pain probably take longer to get there, so need to go pretty badly, and are probably in physical pain. Waiting can be miserable. (You have heard this from me before - that's because it's a bigger deal than you might think. I know *i* didn't realize what a big deal it was.  Now I do, so I'm sharing it with you. You're welcome! 

Back to the subject at hand. 
This goes  to a bigger issue - how we in america see older people - even ones who just appear to be older because we have issues or conditions "before their time". We don't see them. And if we do, we are uncomfortable about it, and squeamish.
Relax. in fact, try to work against that. Do some volunteer work, so spend some time with older people. If they are in a care facility, they may well be lonely.
Learn their name, their history - just ask them, "Where are you from?" or, "What dod you do for a living before you retired?" In a short time, you will suddenly be talking to a Person - interesting, with a history and loves and fears and hopes, even.
I occasionally sing for a group called Sing for Your Seniors, founded by a friend who is a professional singer in New York. We have a Sacramento chapter, and professional singers get together with a pro pianist, and go and perform and senior facilities. The most important part of this is, BEFORE and particularly AFTERward, we sit down and talk to the people that make up our day's audience.
We don't just pop in, sing a few ditties and pop out. We get to know the people. They show such appreciation, and in minutes, you see PEOPLE. And you might make a few new friends. I am surprised at how many of them were themselves performers of one kind or another, and really feel taken back to happy times. Sometimes you'll touch a heart string, and they will be ready to tell you a story of the person they loved, or their family... We all benefit and share a fine time.


I find myself grateful in the *extreme* that all of this is temporary for me and that really about 7 or 8 months of my Life going missing, or at least diverted to a different track for the time being, is a relatively (extremely!) short time, and so worth it all...

And looking forward to packing up and returning the loaned and purchased Paraphernalia of Disability.  The least I can do is share what I am learning, and not let my lessons go to waste. This also helps me remember to actually learn them, and apply them for the rest of my life.

-M