Frankenstein

London's National Theatre has been showing encores of their live broadcast of Frankenstein, Directed by Danny Boyle and starring among other fine actors, Benedict Cumberbatch and Johnny Lee Miller. The two actors traded the roles of Victor Frankenstein and The Creature ever other night.

I watched both versions. As an actor, it has been fascinating and wonderful to watch these two top-quality actors perform the two roles. Miller is very very good. Cumberbatch is a transcendent actor - head and shoulders above most, in his focus, integrity and dedication to creating the roles he plays.

The first 30 minutes of the piece is the Creature being "born", and learning how to use his body  - as he has a full-grown brain, it is very fast to learn, but the body still needs to learn to move, sit up, walk, run, eat, learn what sun and rain and birds are...  and just generally make his way in life, as he is immediately cast out, Frankenstein being terrified of his creation.

The play addresses a lot of issues - abandonment, loneliness, the need for human compassion, how we learn to love, hate, care for and scheme against each other.

And of course there is this poor Creature, ugly due to the great scares and stitches, his odd speech and gait... and this is when it really started to feel personal - universal.
In an interview, Miller said that he studied his 2-year old a lot, and how the child moved and interacted with the world. Cumberbatch studied recovering stroke victims, and peopel who recovering from accidents and war wounds, to see how they moved physically, but also the vulnerability which can be so heart-rending. It shows in his performance - he was not afraid to go to those places, where no human is comfortable to go. And it made me feel at once better-understood, as I learn to walk in a way tht I will never have been able to in my life (my hips having had birth defects no one knew about until my first replacement surgery). But it also reminded me that, even though my friends have been incredibly generous and kind and very very helpful, it has been a long time of asking them for help - with laundry. shopping, getting things up and down the stairs, other household chores which I simply don't have the strength or balance for, or too much pain to be able to do (I need both hands for rails to get down stairs, so I can't take the garbage down... etc).

At the terrible risk of sounding self-pitying, it has become harder and harder to find friends who can help me. They are getting busier now that summer is over (School is back in for students and teachers and the theatre seasons pick up, so more people are in rehearsals).
So = it feels more solitary. Ironically, I had a dozen people who had planned to perhaps come and see Frankenstein with me today and every one had to cancel. I understand on the one hand, but on the other - it felt lonely. I went on my own, and it was lovely. But - a little lonely.
THe pain I am still in does make be feel quite vulnerable, while at the same time working on how much independence I can exercise - some by necessity, some by desire.

And next weekend is the memorial celebration of one of my best friends, Deborah. We made final plans tonight, and I will rehearse one of my songs with the guitar player on Wednesday. Not sure how this fits in to the subject, but it was how my day ended. Vulnerable.