A good breakfast of poached eggs, sausages, fruit and toast with pumpkin butter was made - by me - with minimal fuss (a tiny broiler burn on my knuckle - nothing of note).
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| My ring on the left hand, Deborah's on the right. |
The over-done weekend took a little toll - probably why my right knee was too painful to let me sleep.
But I passed on a party I meant to go to, due to fatigue and the thought of their 8 steps up to the door without a rail (Old Victorian house), I knew people could help me get the walker and myself up, but it just - made me decide to go home. A good nap was had an a good dinner.
Conversations with good friends via Facebook and telephone were helpful.
Friends are everything in this situation. Loneliness is an unnecessary malady these days, and I'm grateful for that. Social media's positives far outweigh the negatives in my book.
Learning that I don't yet get to stay up as late as I like, and that sometimes even getting to bed means I won't sleep... so that pacing myself is still very important.
My late friend battled brain tumors for over twenty years. At first, non-cancerous, recurring meningioma. Three barin surgeries, two intense radiations, and one short and terrible round of chemo (as well as two broken hips, herself, as her medications created brittle bones). The last two tumors proved cancerous, and she lost that battle after over a year in home hospice care.
One of the things she learned in the process of surviving as long as she did was from a writer, Christine Miserandino, on her website "But You Don't Look Sick", to describe the fatiguing effect Lupus had on her. It's become known as the Spoon Theory
"Do I drive to the market? Go to coffee with a friend? See a play? Go to the bank? Stop on the way home from work to buy those items at the hardware store (If I can get the walker through the aisles)?"
Sometimes the answer is, yes - I can afford the spoons to go to the bank and pick up a few items that will fit in my backpack, so I can get them up the stairs - or a few more items and call a friend or neighbor for help getting them up from the car to my second floor apartment.
Some days - I must just get home, and only make the one trip down and then back up the stairs.
If you use all of your spoons, this is when the nights are liable to be more sleepless and emotional meltdowns come. I am grateful to Deb that she shared the Spoon Theory with me, both so that I could understand what her life was like day-to-day, and to follow in her footsteps and understand my own process now.
The other BIG - ENORMOUS lesson is asking for help when one needs it.
It can be hard to ask - and remember that the people who have volunteered their help have done so sincerely and because they love you. You would gladly do the same for them. This is the key.
The tricky part is when you are in need, and no one at the moment, through no other reason than their busy lives. The stinky trash stays on the house, or the fur of your inordinately long-haired cats builds up on the carpet and every item you own (trying to get a decent work outfit together and NOT have it covered with cat hair is a challenge)...
You just have to have patience... and use the resources which have been offered to you. Call the three friends in your neighborhood... or knock on your kind next-door neighbor's door or send them a text.
One of them will come to your rescue.
And when you are ambulatory again, or stabilized to be as able as possible, perhaps you can pay it forward, in one way or another.
But no one ever offers help expecting you to pay it back. Pay it forward, and when you can.
Ask for and receive help for as long as you need. it will get your task accomplished, and it will make your friend feel good that they were actually able to help you! I promise!
These are a few of the many most-valuable legacies my beloved sister of the heart left me, and so many who loved her.
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